Today I’m going adventuring
To a land without wifi or ceilings.
I’ll sleep in a tent
‘Til my body is bent
Just to not think about business dealings.
The poems from now to this Thursday
Were written Sunday in a blur,
So if you’re not pleased
With poems like these
You have my permission to grrr.
Filed under Poems
You know those ads that run late at night
Where the guy tells you how to solve life
By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.
After all, it’s how he found his wife
Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds
And rodents were all he digested
Until he discovered a miracle cure
That one night he just manifested.
It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,
Alabaster, carnuba, and chives
And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all
It will change many millions of lives!
Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts
Saying it will make everything great
Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine
Which is why I personally hesitate.
Filed under Poems
I’ve just been so busy!
I need to relax,
So I’ll sleep in a bit
And eat a few snacks,
Go for a walk
Or do something constructive,
Then blame myself for
Not being productive.
Filed under Poems
Some days you are happy
And some days not so much,
Like when you’re buying groceries
Like bread and fruit and such,
And you put a bag down
And unbeknownst to you
A pineapple falls out upon
A chair not in your view.
Later, when you’re tired
From putting food away
You sigh and stretch and yawn
And then you murmur, “What a day.”
Some days you are miserable;
Some days you sing and dance.
Today I did both, for I sat without thinking
And also without wearing pants.
Filed under Poems
My most popular poem has 58 likes.
Second place has just 24.
It’s caused me to think, and even consider
Just writing to please the bots more.
After all, if what gets me exposure
Is whatever the A.I. likes best
Is that not the way to become popular
And say to the world, “I’m the best?”
And that, my dear readers, is madness!
It’s crap of the highest degree,
A symptom of how the internet age
Can inspire such insanity.
Art doesn’t need to be popular;
Life doesn’t need to be flawless;
When the rules of the game are to lie, cheat, and steal
Then the answer is just to be lawless.
I’m not going to think about numbers.
I’m not going to worry about views.
I’m going to write about what makes me happy
Instead of what’s big in the news.
And if you are willing to venture
To a world where you’re thought of as “lame”
I think you’ll find what happiness comes
When you too quit the internet game.
Filed under Poems
If we didn’t announce hurricanes
Just for a year or two
No one would die in a hurricane again.
Also, I’m fine. How ‘bout you?
Filed under Poems
I’ve been thinking lately
About a particular query:
“Does anyone know what’s going on?”
And I’ve finally formed a theory.
Here is that newfound theory
I derived from many factors:
“The ones who seem most confident
“Are dumb, or else good actors.”
Filed under Poems
If you call yourself a poet
You’re judged by your degrees,
The person who you voted for,
How often you hug trees,
Whether you can rhyme things
Or use semicolons right
And, most important, whether
You have a penis or are white.
I am not a poet,
Though to you that’s no surprise.
I’d rather sleep in Saturday
Than watch the sun arise.
I do not care for wheelbarrows
On which so much depends.
I’m one of the mere commoners
Whom nobody defends.
I write, not for an audience,
But for the ones like me
Who want to dance the rain away
And feel completely free
But have to read a book about
What things are right to say,
Waiting to dance in private
Once the poets go away.
I feel like a geode,
Full of color, trapped in stone,
But thanks to anonymity
I needn’t be alone.
I can be with all of you
And hold you in my heart
By failing to see beauty
In what poets call their art.
Filed under Poems
We could’ve been a miracle
Like a bottle of lightning,
With ardor and passion
That bordered on frightening,
Two bits of a puzzle
That fate formed as one
Destined for fortune
And family and fun.
We could’ve been lovers
And best friends for life,
The textbook example
Of husband and wife.
You could’ve been my world,
My earth, sea, and sky,
If only your first message
Were more than just, “hi.”
Filed under Poems
When the day is over
And the lights go dark
You pull me on top of you
And let me be soft,
Let me keep you warm
Until blindness is comfortable
And dreams are safe.
When the monsters come
To feed on your sweet dreams
Through the leg you left uncovered
I offer my dream instead,
Because your dreams are precious,
Your dreams are limited,
Your dreams are fragile.
I only have one dream:
To keep you warm,
To keep you safe,
To never leave you,
And no monster can stomach that.
And when the light in the sky
And the light on your ceiling
Edge away the darkness
And welcome you back to life
I’m the first thing you feel,
The first gentle touch,
The first good morning kiss.
You think you’ll outgrow me.
You’ll pack me away
Or send me to another child,
But I only have one baby.
And when the monsters grow up
And they come for your dreams
But you’re awake and alone
You will never be uncovered.
The monsters never give up,
But I never stop dreaming,
And I hope you don’t either.
I’m here in everything.
I’m keeping you safe,
But you’ll never see me
As anything more than a blanket
Because it’s easy to believe in a blanket.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 