Tag Archives: Life

Brown, Sticky, and Fun

I remember a game

I played when I was childish

Where up I’d pick a fancy stick

And proceed to go quite wildish.

It would be, at the same time,

A lightsaber, a gun,

A steering wheel, banana peel,

A ticket: Admit One.

I could walk around the woods

With some tree’s lifeless limb

And make of a day of naught but play,

Walking and swinging him.

Now I’m big and childish

But have less inclination

To go outside and take a ride

On my imagination.

Today I pray to everything

That before I’m old and sick

I’ll meet just five folks more alive

Than my beloved stick.

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Who Doesn’t Want 30 Pounds Of Escargot, After All?

You know that food you enjoy

Every once in a while,

That you can heat in a minute

And always makes you smile?

What if that niche pleasure

Came in a 500 pack for a dollar?

If you want to pay us to buy that

Just give old Costco a holler!

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Water Parks

Somebody decided

To take a piece of land

And implement a strategy

A capitalist planned

Wherein they’d charge some strangers

A fee for a ticket

To try a lot of fancy ways

To get all cold and wet.

They’d make a lot of slidey things

And fountains you can climb

And lazy lilting rivers

Where you can waste your time

And pools that make big waves

Like the ocean, but controlled.

I don’t know whose idea it was

But I know that I’m sold!

This poem is dedicated to Steven,

The lifeguard at Boulder Beach

Who saved this poet’s glasses

Which had fallen past his reach.

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Or We Could Just Choose An Animal And Interrupt Your Football Game…

Back when Youtube first began

A bunch of kids created

Videos so funny that

Folks nearly suffocated.

Now, insurance companies

Pay grown-ups lots of money

To make commercial messages

Which somehow still aren’t funny.

If you want to sell me

Some insurance or the like

You should fire your writing staff

And hire some kid named Mike

‘Cause when I see an ad that says

“We’re expensive, we won’t lie

“But we’re not just corporate assholes”

That’s the moment that I’ll buy!

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Ode To A Forgotten Black Hero

I think the worst injustice

That we tolerate these days

Is how we abuse the roads

In a variety of ways.

We hit the road so often,

Pound the pavement, and it’s clear

That the roads get walked all over

And quitting time is near.

We’d never stab our children,

But we stick forks in the road

Then expect it to hold on

While it carries our giant load.

It’s time to give the streets a break…

Oops! I mean let them rest!

Anyway, quit using roads

Because that’s for the best.

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There’s One Thing That Matters, And It’s Not Skin

I talk about love

And I talk about life,

How I do honest work

For my kids and my wife,

How I got a step up

From my forefather’s grace,

But what keeps me alive

Is the sweat on my face.

I won’t take a dime

If it hasn’t been earned;

Can’t regret when I failed

Because that’s when I learned.

I can say what I say

With no need for defense

Because what I say

Is just plain common sense.

So if you think I hate

Someone ‘cause they’re not white,

Consider a moment

That you may not be right.

Perhaps I respect

Those who earned their own keep

With an excess of ethics

And an absence of sleep;

Maybe the reason

You’re not on my mind

Is because I’m a doer

And I like my own kind.

You want to be equal?

Well, I want that too.

While I’m out here working

I’ll watch what you do

And when you go home

Having done what you should

You won’t think about race:

You’ll be feeling too good!

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Just FYI

Today I’m going adventuring

To a land without wifi or ceilings.

I’ll sleep in a tent

‘Til my body is bent

Just to not think about business dealings.

The poems from now to this Thursday

Were written Sunday in a blur,

So if you’re not pleased

With poems like these

You have my permission to grrr.

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How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body

You know those ads that run late at night

Where the guy tells you how to solve life

By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.

After all, it’s how he found his wife

Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds

And rodents were all he digested

Until he discovered a miracle cure

That one night he just manifested.

It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,

Alabaster, carnuba, and chives

And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all

It will change many millions of lives!

Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts

Saying it will make everything great

Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine

Which is why I personally hesitate.

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The Worrier’s Day Off

I’ve just been so busy!

I need to relax,

So I’ll sleep in a bit

And eat a few snacks,

Go for a walk

Or do something constructive,

Then blame myself for

Not being productive.

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Ode To A Misplaced Pineapple

Some days you are happy

And some days not so much,

Like when you’re buying groceries

Like bread and fruit and such,

And you put a bag down

And unbeknownst to you

A pineapple falls out upon

A chair not in your view.

Later, when you’re tired

From putting food away

You sigh and stretch and yawn

And then you murmur, “What a day.”

Some days you are miserable;

Some days you sing and dance.

Today I did both, for I sat without thinking

And also without wearing pants.

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