They say when you love something
Time will stand still.
I think love’s correlated
With my watch-repair bill.
Tag Archives: Love
a mach maid in hev’in
I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Filed under Poems
Devil’s Advocate, Nuptial Parity Edition
A first drink or a first date
Can be first love or likewise hate.
A first kiss or first fight
Are blackness deep and endless light.
A first dance as man and wife
Will give you joy for all your life
Unless man/man or woman/woman you’re.
Then you’ll complain about this poem for sure.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere A Nice Guy Is Finishing Second To Last
I like to raise a ruckus,
Rouse some rabble, have some fun.
I’m a manly man, so wild
That my hair is in a bun.
I’m true to my own nature
Even if it makes folks hate me.
I’m a mysterious loner bad-boy
So why does no one want to date me?
Filed under Poems
The Newest Gender Identity
Under the apple tree
You are you, I am me.
We can hug and kiss all day
And never hear the others say
“Why are you kissing that horse?”
They don’t understand of course
But under the apple tree… well, there
No one ever seems to care.
Filed under Poems
How Quickly Things Change
Waiting for the bus
In the rain
Next to other people
Who don’t have their bus passes.
Waiting for the bus.
Such a pain!
Other people are talking to me
Mostly out of their asses.
Waiting for the bus,
Not a train.
Other people haven’t gotten the hint that my failure to acknowledge their attempts to converse mean I don’t want to converse.
Such is the transport of the masses.
Then the bus arrives
And my jaw falls limply.
She steps off, so graceful,
So beautifully simply.
I watch her meander
Like a flower in the breeze,
Warm and fragile like stained glass
And as innocent as a sneeze.
I mean to call out to her
So she might look my way
But I find my tongue and brain
Cannot agree on what to say.
I dumbly watch her disappear
And without so much as fuss
I’m standing by myself once more
Just waiting for the bus.
What I Look For In A Lady
I’d be wary of a felon
But she needn’t be a saint.
She eats food almost every day
And will very seldom faint.
She has two eyes, two nostrils too,
And her scalp is topped with hair.
Her days are always better
When she has access to breathable air.
I may sound picky when I say this
But she should have a mouth that can open.
Is there such a perfect girl?
Well, ’til we know, here’s hopin’.
Filed under Poems, Uncategorized
Economics Doesn’t Seem Like Such A Smart Path Of Study Now, Does It?
She looks at me with longing.
I see only snakes.
For a moment our eyes meet
Before I turn to stone,
Having time only to think
“Why didn’t I major in Greek Mythology?”
Filed under Poems
What Crabs Get
The hermit crab lived all alone,
Befitting of his name,
But he met a lady hermit crab
And talked and thrust and came.
Alas, he failed to protect himself
With a rubber or a thing of that yen
And he contracted a most vile disease:
In this case it was men.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 