Still as a statue,
Deer in the headlights,
Sleeps like a baby,
Calm as can be;
These things are common
But nothing comes close
To how still is my bladder
When you stand next to me.
Tag Archives: Men
Judy Rhymes With Beauty…
People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
Men Made Playthings Because They Weren’t Born With Them
When I win a Nobel prize
For literature someday
And it comes time for me to speak
I know just what I’ll say:
I’ll thank my one Y chromosome,
And the reason that I’m citing
Is if I’d been born with boobs
I’d have never started writing.
Filed under Poems
Forever Mine
I’m not afraid to make it known
I want this more than you.
I want to find a partner
Who is loyal, kind, and true.
I only want to have one talk,
A talk that never ends,
And to be more than lovers:
To be two forever friends.
I want you to have my kids,
To raise, protect, and feed.
I want to be your every want
And fill your every need.
I want to text you memes at night,
House hunt with you on Zillow,
And when we are a world apart
To smell you on my pillow.
Tonight and every night from now
I’ll wish upon a star
And ask whatever gods may be
To show me who you are.
Until the stars or gods or fate
Fulfill this wish of mine
I’ll work to be the man you want
To call “Forever Mine.”
They’re Like Puppies, But With Testosterone
What if men who’re two feet tall
Are the physical ideal,
The epitome of manliness
With endless lust and zeal?
All the women saying
They prefer a taller guy
Have never seen a two-foot man…
True candy for the eye!
And although such small men are rare,
Precious and petite,
A man who’s 2-foot-6 or so
Is also really neat.
In fact, any guy beneath three feet
Is a slice of masculine heaven
Unless, of course, the manlet stands
Exactly 1’11”
Filed under Poems
Just A Tip: Wait ‘Til All Is Revealed
Ladies: I am five-foot-two,
Bald, and overweight
With a salary four figures long
And a commemorative bowling plate.
Now sure, I know you’re thinking
“Does he know how bad that sounds?”
Well… if they circumcised me
I would lose 100 pounds…
Filed under Poems
Ignore The Name… I Just Needed A Rhyme
“A picture’s worth a thousand words”
Said Arthur Norman Kuntz.
“Thus, women speak in imagery
“And speak mostly grunts.”
Filed under Poems
Some People Get Paid Millions For This…
If you have a friend who is male
Here’s a game that will never get stale:
Find a sports team or three,
Guess who’ll win, disagree…
You’ll be right half the time without fail!
Filed under Poems
Deuteronomy 23:2
Last night I read the Bible
‘Cause I was just that bored.
Apparently, “No one whose testicles have been crushed
Or whose penis has been cut off
May be admitted into the company of the Lord.”
So when you settle differences
With fists, and feet as well,
Just remember, a kick to the balls
Is literally a ticket to Hell!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 