Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Tag Archives: Men
Being Humble Is Almost As Hard As My Abs
I know I need to be humble,
To be a non-judgmental guy,
But if I said that was easy
What I say would be a lie.
The fact of the matter is I am just
Incredible, without a doubt
To the point where the lesbians love me
And the straightest of men will come out.
When I step out of bed in the morning
The sun is ashamed to be seen
Because how can a glorious light like that
Compare to me? Know what I mean?
So yes, in my mind I’m aware
That humility would serve me well
So I offer my prayers to Heaven…
The same Heaven from which I fell ; )
Filed under Poems
Everyman
Somewhere near you is a man
Who has a loaded gun
And a heart full of unspoken pain.
He cannot see the sun,
Nor can he hear the laughter
Of the squirrels and birds and trees.
He walks upright, but out of sight
He’s fallen to his knees.
Somewhere there’s another man –
It might even be you –
Who gives the first a little nod
That says “I feel it too.”
And sometimes just a nod like that
Is all you need to say
To help a wounded warrior
Put the loaded gun away.
You don’t need superpowers
Or a cape to save the day.
Smiling is enough sometimes
To make the world okay.
Filed under Poems
When The Kisses Miss The Missus
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Brought To You By Our Sponsor, “Sir Alabaster Thoroughgood”
There are only two types of men
That I have ever met:
The type who name their genitals
And the type who aren’t born yet.
Filed under Poems
Gentlemen Prefer Stalls
Still as a statue,
Deer in the headlights,
Sleeps like a baby,
Calm as can be;
These things are common
But nothing comes close
To how still is my bladder
When you stand next to me.
Filed under Poems
Judy Rhymes With Beauty…
People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
Men Made Playthings Because They Weren’t Born With Them
When I win a Nobel prize
For literature someday
And it comes time for me to speak
I know just what I’ll say:
I’ll thank my one Y chromosome,
And the reason that I’m citing
Is if I’d been born with boobs
I’d have never started writing.
Filed under Poems
Forever Mine
I’m not afraid to make it known
I want this more than you.
I want to find a partner
Who is loyal, kind, and true.
I only want to have one talk,
A talk that never ends,
And to be more than lovers:
To be two forever friends.
I want you to have my kids,
To raise, protect, and feed.
I want to be your every want
And fill your every need.
I want to text you memes at night,
House hunt with you on Zillow,
And when we are a world apart
To smell you on my pillow.
Tonight and every night from now
I’ll wish upon a star
And ask whatever gods may be
To show me who you are.
Until the stars or gods or fate
Fulfill this wish of mine
I’ll work to be the man you want
To call “Forever Mine.”
The Daily Travesty 