Tag Archives: Naughty

The Best Classical Music Parody You Have To Sing Yourself (Guaranteed Orgasm In 45 Seconds)

People say that music

Is the worst it’s ever been.

I disagree because of one song

Written by Herr Beethoven.

If you take his fifth symphony

(That goes Da-da-da duuuuuuuh)

And simply give it the lyrics

“Oh baby yeah, oh baby uhhh!”

It becomes a pop hit

To match the best today.

Here’s a link to prove it.

You’re welcome, by the way.

Helpful hint: Just sing those two lyrics with the melody for about twenty seconds and you’ll get the intended effect.

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…Or Is It An Untapped Business Opportunity?

If you are an amputee

Does your erotic preference change

To match your physicality,

Or is my asking that just strange?

The reason that I ask

Is that I want to get

The web domain StumpHump.com…

Is that something I may regret?


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A Friendly Poem For The Boss On Your Last Day

For all of the work

U’ve put into my life,

Can I ever thank you enough?

Kause of you I can say

Yeah, life’s terrible, but hey! Now I

Own a whole lot more stuff!

Ur name here <~~~~

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Sex In A Pool

My heart skips a beat

As our bodies intertwine,

Her hands on my shoulders,

Her lips locked in mine.

Somewhere a small voice

Says “you can’t do that here,”

But my eyes meet my love

And away goes my fear.

Our clothes are all gone

And we get on our way.

The little voice speaks

But I shove it away.

The air fills with moaning,

With screams of my name.

Our love is the water,

Our passion a flame!

After what seems a lifetime

Our forms pull away.

I hope the rec center

Will let us come back some day.

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Date Ape

When things go bananas in the bedroom

Don’t you worry. Nothing’s wrong!

You’ve just received the blessing

Of the famous Kinky Kong.

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Let’s Talk About Mastication

It’s time to talk about

The pleasures of the flesh,

And our senses, touch and taste,

Can again be young and fresh.

I speak about excitement.

I speak of stimulation.

I speak about, of course,

The joy of mastication:

To place a bit of vibrancy

Inside one’s hungry maw

And caress it with the vigor

Of a gyrating human jaw.

I salivate for thinking

Of this thrice-daily delight,

For I masticate at morning

As well as noon and night.

And if I feel the hunger

Of my eternal human needs

I may masticate between meals

By enjoying my nuts and seeds.

And when I feel so lonely

And companionship I want

I go to town and masticate

At my choice of restaraunt.

Such exploits I do recommend,

For they are part of the human condition.

For those who are offended,

Go find mastication’s definition.

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It’s A Drum Solo, Right?

Mayday! Mayday!

The ships going down!

We suspect foul play,

Or some “boom-chicka-wow-wown.”
Ship going down,

This is island command.

We’re all on our lunch,

So we can’t lend a hand.
Island command,

We’re now sunk in the cape.

I hope we don’t lose

The “boom-chicka” we taped.
Sinking explorer,

We copy again.

We’re sending a team.

They’ll be there in ten.

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Entertainment Budget

I called a 1-900 sex line

Out of curiosity.

I was informed my telephone

Would be charged a rather high fee.

I did the math and budgeted;

Eighty seconds is all I could be on.

So I pressed “pound” (and chuckled)

And got ready for a marathon.


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Special Delivery

I’ve watched a lot of “movies”

That aren’t on IMDB.

They made delivering pizzas

Look like a pretty good job to me.

And indeed, I did get special requests

From my female clientele,

But mostly they’re “draw a pic on the box.”

That or “go to Hell.”

I tried to target neighborhoods

Where people cannot pay,

But mostly they’d just write a check

And send me on my way.

So I quit my job as a pizza guy

For I had been mislead.

Now I spend my afternoons

Cleaning swimming pools instead.

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The Baker’s Discovery

What’s all this talk about pickle bread?
Why’s it so hush hush? Do you know?
And why’s it predominately women
Who enjoy this fancy new dill dough?


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