I was feeling very upset
Because I was a spammer
And all my emails were ignored
Because my targets had bad grammar.
My mother tried to comfort me…
She sat me in a chair
And patted my back and told me
“Itll bee all right. Their they’re.”
Tag Archives: poems
Holy Sheeeeeee…
Somewhere there’s a holy cow
In a field where you can stroke it
That gives a little holy “moo”
Whenever you invoke it.
Behind it is a steaming mound
Of what was once it’s dinner.
As for who folks invoke more?
I think we have a winner!
Filed under Poems
They DO Hoard Gold And Love Princesses…
Today a friend was stalking me
Online (with my permission)
And came upon this blog o’ mine
(A most unwise decision)
And as we got to talking
She inspired me to write
A poem about dragons,
Thus my topic for tonight!
But what about a dragon
Would amuse a reader new?
Perhaps my thoughts on bacon
From a dragon’s point of view!
For if I were a dragon
And consumed my daily meat
I’d think a dragon with good taste
Would think bacon’s a treat…
But how’s a mighty villain
Who’s as hateful as he’s big
Going to get the finest strippings
Of the kingdom’s finest pig?
Now, I am not a dragon
(Through no fault of mine… I’m trying!)
And so thinking with a dragon’s mind’s
As likely as pigs flying,
And since there is no evidence
That dragons found a way
To eat sufficient bacon
To make problems go away
I came to the conclusion
That I think must ring true-ish…
Dragons don’t eat bacon,
Therefore dragons must be Jewish!
Filed under Poems
Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…
I wanted to take a moment
To tell you I adore
The way you walk, the way you talk,
The way you smile. What’s more
I wanted to appreciate
How kind you are to me.
Like rain in Spring, new life you bring
To everyone you see!
You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,
As well as smart and brave.
You’re a man no woman can
Deny she’s always craved.
I think you’re the pinnacle
Of manliness. So there!
But I can’t go to see that show
‘Cause I have to wash my hair.
Filed under Poems
Wind Chimes
Sometime in the distant past
Somebody’s wife I suppose
Decided to hang a bunch of pipes
So whenever the wind blows
It makes the sound of a little kid
Assaulting a glockenspiel
And she sold these things for thirty bucks
And I don’t know how I feel…*
*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.
If You Didn’t Say “Word” After This, You Ain’t Black
I was in the white house and I was like “Hey
“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”
And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”
But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”
I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’
On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’
Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,
But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!
Filed under Poems
The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry
Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters
I get a temptation that of me can get the better:
You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…
Heeeeeey Macarena!
Filed under Poems
To Serve and Protect…
Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Filed under Poems
The New Normal
Conforming is courage.
Sameness is unique.
Silence is violence
So we all must speak,
But if you speak other
Than what we agree
The only conclusion
Is patriarchy!
Everyone’s special
Except for the whites
And all men, plus women
Who want to have rights.
Such people are dangers
To our peaceful views
Unless they are silenced
By endless bad news.
“The truth” is old-fashioned.
“Your truth” will prevail.
If there are no winners
Then no one can fail!
So dye your hair purple
And get your tattoos
And be one of us rebels
Who share the same views.
Filed under Poems
Know Your Place
Whether we walk by the mountains or sea
We consider ourselves on the ground,
But the birds and the fish far below disagree
And render the notion unsound.
The birds up above sing to each other
Of how humans choose not to fly,
Enjoying the feeling that comes from remaining
Always at the bottom of “sky.”
The fish and the whales and coral and seals
Think of our waterless place
As one way a heaven, in other ways hell,
Just as we humans must think of space.
We are at the apex, we are at the bottom,
All trapped by the pull of a star.
To some we are Gods, to others we’re vermin
And I’m just content that we are.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 