Tonight I stayed up past my bedtime.
In fact, I am still awake as you read.
I’m yawning like crazy and wanting to sleep
So could you please up your processing speed?
Tag Archives: Poetry
You Turn My Struggles Into Snuggles
Fuzzy blanket, blue as the sky,
Upon the couch on which I lie,
You’re soft and warm upon my skin
And where you end does the world begin,
And so I huddle ‘neath your sheet
To keep the warmth and trap the heat
Until the dawn, so cruel and bright,
Will slay the peaceful starry night.
Fuzzy blanket from Bass Pro Shops,
You’re where my imaginary foe stops,.
My bastion from a lukewarm room,
You cast away the stagnant gloom.
Eight feet long and six feet wide
You hold me tight, wrap me inside.
All I love more than your pale blue
Is that you’re big enough for two.
Filed under Poems
Forget Centaurs…
I asked my friend “If you could mix
“Any two animals, what would you choose?”
He said “The body of a human
“And the spirit of a goose.”
At first I thought him silly,
Maybe even a little dumb,
But now I think he’s a wizard
And I know where Californian drivers come from.
Filed under Poems
English Joke Because I Have To Get Up At 5:00 Tomorrow
Joe said “I have will gone to the pier.”
Bo said “It just got two tense in here.”
Filed under Poems
New Year, New Ads
A week ago every TV ad
Showed deals on toys and tech.
Now the ads show deals
On food and weight loss. What the heck?
Oh, yeah! Because the year went up
It’s time to be a better you
And thanks to marketing execs
We’ll know just what to do:
Throw money at the products
That say you’ll have more time,
A slimmer waist and better feet
And less suburban crime.
You’ll save a baby elephant
If you buy our fancy knife
And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)
You’ll live a better life.
I, for one, am grateful
To view these free educational shows.
Now excuse me while I lose some weight
And my magically regrows.
Filed under Poems
Next Year I Resolve To Put More Effort Into Hindsight
Looking back at 2022
I had a revelation that I’d like to share with you:
I realized that retrospectives take a while to do well
So I’ll end this poem early and say this year was pretty swell!
Filed under Poems
Music and Lyrics
I heard some kids sing “Old McDonald”
Singing “With a moo moo here and a moo moo there,
“Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo.”
Then I turned on the radio
And heard a 41-year-old sing
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.”
Children deserve more respect.
Filed under Poems
IRS? More Like IQ-0
There once was a federal agency
Who knew how much taxes you owed, you see,
But when you didn’t pay enough
‘Cause math is hard and stuff
They need a whole department to audit ye?
Filed under Poems
Get It? Cause One’s Glad And One’s… Oh, Nevermind
Some people were happy to fight
In the colosseum’s spotlight.
They were called gladiators, it’s said.
Some of them had freakin’ laser beams
And were greeted by all the young ladies’ screams;
They were called Rad-iators instead.
Filed under Poems
Hygiene Standards
I walked down the rows
Of “Bed, Bath, and Beyond“
Smelling hand soaps with names
Like “Starlight” and “Palm Frond”.
Then I left to go back
To “Bob’s Soap Retailer”
Where they sell soap called “White”
And “Hope She Lets You Impale ‘Er”.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 