I met a girl in cooking class
When I was seventeen.
She texted “Wanna have some fun?”
I asked “What do you mean?”
She sent me some emojis
Of an eggplant and a queen.
I replied “Thanks for the offer
“But I’m out of aubergine.”
Tag Archives: Poetry
Thanks Google!
I asked my Dad, “Before computers
“When you were bored what did you do?”
He wouldn’t say, and none of my sixteen
Brothers and sisters knew.
Filed under Poems
A Sense of Scale
Some people say a football player
Is really, really large.
What’s bigger than a football player
Is probably a barge.
What’s bigger than a barge
Is a thousand-trillion ants.
Nothing bigger than that
Exists outside my pants.
Why No One Buys CDs Anymore
Some evenings I sit in darkness
Playing a sad song on repeat
With a pillow on my head
And a blanket on my feet.
I’m don’t feel sad
Though I am devoid of laughter;
I feel sad because I hate
The song that plays right after.
Filed under Poems
Two Types of Difficulty
Is it harder to be a single mom
Made pregnant at eleven
Or to be a single mom
When you’re a childless man at 87?
Filed under Poems
The Elites
Who once was an ideologue
Now bears a predacious heart,
A prerequisite for leadership
In politics and art.
Who once fantasized
Is yoked by sponsors unseen,
Separate from the audience
Who now seem unclean.
Who once dreamed of changing
Now for sameness votes,
Repelling their friends,
Trapped within their own moats.
Who is no longer meek
Now learns how and why
The meek inherit nothing
If the elites never die.
Filed under Poems
Made In China
Two Americans have died
From Coronavirus as of this date.
Also, 18,000 Americans
By the flu have met their fate.
That a virus 9,000-times less deadly
Than the flu can be this stressful
Is evidence enough for how
Asian folks are so successful.
Filed under Poems
Economics 101
I was almost bankrupt
But rather than admit defeat
I missed a few car payments
And boom! I’m back on my feet!
Filed under Poems
People Say “Forever” In Different Ways
If you think your girl is nerdy
But you need to check the facts
Say “I’ll love you as long as a winRAR 30-day trial”
And see how she reacts.
Filed under Poems
Teenagers Circa 150 AD
When people looked for Spartacus
For why-ever the heck they did
And all the Roman peasants
Done got the real Spartacus hid
And all of them were saying
“I’m Spartacus!” When they weren’t
I hope some guy was like “I’m Dave!”
And then he got, like, spurn’t.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 