If I were a possum
Life would still be awesome.
If I were a kangaroo
Our love would still be true.
If other marsupials I knew
This poem would have another stanza or two.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Small Dog, Big Mistake
I saw on my lawn, between the mounds
Of wood chips, a dog of 15 pounds.
It was white and fluffy and ugly as sin
And it was having its way with my newspaper bin.
So I snuck over and scooped him up.
Oh, you should have heard that pup!
He barked and wailed and growled and bit.
I knew no way to calm the…git
And so I took it to the pound
To hope the monster would be found.
The police met me at the door.
As I was cuffed, I asked “what for?”
I was arrested for my labors
For my lawn has no wood chips: ‘Twas my neighbor’s.
Filed under Poems
Ineffective Insults, Florida Edition
“Your mother is a gator
“And your sister smells like glue!”
I thought he’d be offended,
But he wasn’t ’cause it’s true.
Filed under Poems
Celebrity
I’m not saying
He was poor,
But he had no knocker
On his door.
He had one fridge
And one garage
And he used paper
In his collage.
He only owned
Twelve pairs of shoes
And rarely ever
Was on the news.
His watch was bought
For less than his car.
Lol! Peasants…
Humbly yours, The Star.
Filed under Poems
What Gets You Going
Look at me,
Your darling man,
And tell me what you see.
Are bulging arms
And washboard abs
All there is to me?
Is my gleaming hair
In the setting sun
What makes your heart seek mine?
Is it how I flee
When your husband gets home
At 8:00 instead of 9:00?
Filed under Poems
Honest Guy Problems
“What’s your favorite body part?”
The online survey said.
I wrote “chest hair.” I’m a guy,
And thus my empty bed.
Filed under Poems
Jesus, Night Owl
On the morning of the third day
Since Jesus died for our sins
He said “I waiteth to push the boulder
“Until the afternoon begins.”
Filed under Poems
Vegan Conspiracies
They make blueberry, strawberry,
Blackberry jam,
But not jam out of chicken,
Venison, spam.
Why do we make paste
Out of fruits and such
But not dead animals?
Suspicious much?
Filed under Poems
Don’t We All
They say I’ve a nose like a bloodhound,
Eyes of an eagle, ears of an elf.
That’s a polite way for people to say
I suck at hide-and-seek when I play by myself.
Filed under Poems
