Tag Archives: Vegans

When You’ve Only Written Crappy Four-Line Poems For A Week But You’re Still Not Inspired…

Vegans are the greatest photographers

The world has ever seen

Because instead of saying “Cheese”

They say “Emulsified Pea Protein.”

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Another Once-Great Species Ruined

There once was an African lion

Who was handsome and noble and clever.

He wanted his head to be put on a wall

So he could be admired forever.

Alas, some American vegans

Made a law that to hunt him was banned

So know he stays home in the evenings

And watches MGM films on demand.

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Yours Truly Goes To A Restaurant

Whether you like mozzarella

Or “anything, as long as its yella”

If you say thank-a-you and please

Then come on down and have some cheese!

We’ve got cheese from cows and goats,

From naked sheep and sheep with coats,

From pigs and deer and even moles.

How much? Bowls and bowls and bowls!

It tastes like heaven. You can check!

It makes the hairs stand on your neck.

And if you melt it… oh, where to begin!

Oh, wait, sorry… you’re vegan…

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[Insert Fish Pun Here]

Give a man a fish,

You’ll feed him for a day

Unless that man’s a vegan

In which case his death’s okay.

But teach a man to fish

(Be him Vegan or otherwise)

And if he gets married he’ll be grateful

And he’ll think you very wise.

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Vegan Conspiracies

They make blueberry, strawberry,

Blackberry jam,

But not jam out of chicken,

Venison, spam.

Why do we make paste

Out of fruits and such

But not dead animals?

Suspicious much?

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