I read someone’s list
Of their favorite childhood movies…
The Lion King, Bambi… those types.
If you are its creator
I want to remind you
Of the Microsoft screensaver pipes.
I read someone’s list
Of their favorite childhood movies…
The Lion King, Bambi… those types.
If you are its creator
I want to remind you
Of the Microsoft screensaver pipes.
Filed under Poems
“Mathematics is the study
“Of revenge,” I said to Steven.
“Five and three are at odds,
“But together they got even.”
Filed under Poems
Today I give thanks
For 93-octane gas…
The kind that nobody buys;
It just sits in tanks
While people say “pass,”
But remains both potent and wise.
Filed under Poems
Nine out of ten people agree
A zombie apocalypse would be bad,
And yet there are folks you will see
Who think such a plague is rad.
What I really want to know
Is whether those with necrophilia
Would be more or less turned on
By moving corpses that can kill ya…
Filed under Poems
One hundred years ago today
A boy and girl were scared
Together in the chapel,
Neither one of them prepared
To spend a life exclusively
In one another’s heart,
But shared a kiss and promise there
‘Til death tore them apart.
Five years from that fateful day
A child joined the two
And once again they stood in fear
Without a hope or clue,
Uncertain how to raise a child
And keep him safe from pain,
But wrapped him in a blanket
And they walked him through the rain.
When fifteen years expired
Since the day they said “I do,”
They met a world of poverty
And skies were seldom blue,
And sometimes they’d go weeks on end
And not a dollar see,
But when they ate, they said their prayers
They ate as family.
Twenty years and thirty went
And forty passed away
And what was young was wrinkled up
And what was brown turned gray.
The easy things got harder
And the hard things all stayed tough,
But a couple has each other
And for them that was enough.
A hundred years ago today
Two words were said by two
And love that was uncertain then
We now can see was true.
There’s always rain, there’s always fear,
There’s always poverty,
And there will always be two more
To find serenity.
Filed under Poems
I’m waiting on a support site,
Ninety-Seventh in the queue
To have an underpaid employee
Perform what one button should do.
As I sit and wait for death
A thought appears within my head:
Instead of helping customers
Just wait for them to leave instead!
In both cases numbers dwindle
And the most impatient flee.
After all, those seeking help
Will probably leave… Haha, heehee!
Then I realized I found
The truth of this nefarious plot.
If I post tomorrow, I’m safe
(But then again, maybe I’m not…)
Filed under Poems
“Airhead’s an offensive term,”
Said my girlfriend of 30 days.
I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”
Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”
Filed under Poems
The dragon was coming
To Farawayshire
To eat many virgins
And breathe lots of fire.
The lord of the town said
“‘Fraid of dragons we aint,
“For I have procured us
“A fireproof paint!”
And so people painted
The roofs and the walls
Or the houses and stables
And castles and malls
Until the Lord said
With the smallest of sneezes,
“Cease painting at once
“For it causes diseases.”
The paint, it so happened
Did cause minor distress
To persons named Remington,
Fleischmann, and Hess.
Those with such names
Of course caused quite a fuss
While the rest of the town
Wondered, “What about us?
“The dragon is coming!
“How will we survive?
“Sure, a few will be sickened
“But we’ll be alive!”
The mayor just laughed
And he said with a tsk…
“What’s a few teeth and fire
“When our health is at risk?”
And, for some reason, this
Made the citizens calm
And await coming dragons
With nary a qualm.
Filed under Poems
I wondered what the worst news ever could be
And I finally have an answer:
It’s hearing your wife of 70 years
Tell you she has testicular cancer.
Filed under Poems
Life is an X-Rated video game
And we are the gigantic foes
That stop young players from seeing things
Until their character grows.
Filed under Poems