Great Scott would eat no pot.
His wife was also clean.
Their afternoons were generally normal
And they did not live in Colorado.
Tag Archives: Postaday
That Time Of The Month
I saw her in a shady bar
And decided to go a step too far.
I invited her out into my car
Beneath the full white moon.
We did about what you’d expect.
It was so wrong yet so correct.
We surely were not circumspect
And afterwards slept ’til noon.
And when at twelve I done awoke
I very nearly had a stroke
For beside me was a bearded bloke
Where before there’d been a lady.
That moment’s when I’d realize
That full white moon caused the disguise.
I’d fallen prey to a Werewoman’s lies.
Now the bars I go to are less shady.
Filed under Poems
Half Dozen Of The Other
So many people live like eggs
It’s almost not okay.
Their only goal is, like an egg,
To get laid every day.
Filed under Poems
A: Burger King, Somebody Named Consuéla
I won “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”
On Venezuelan TV.
Now I’m wondering where to spend it
And who will share the fries with me.
Filed under Poems
Prelude To A November Incarceration
Today I donned my costume
Of civilization’s promiscuity
And the intolerable agony
Such laxness ought to bring.
Yes, amidst the evening’s gloom
It looks a bit like nudity.
And officer, I’ll answer yes,
It is a nipple ring.
Filed under Poems
Prudent Historical Decisions
There’s a reason there aren’t dentists
On that South Dakota mountain
‘Cause then they’d have to call it “Mount Brushmore.”
For taste there’s no accountin’.
Filed under Poems
It’s The Thought That Counts
I saw a homeless family.
In rags they all did dress.
They held a sign: “We appreciate
“Whatever you’ll spare. God Bless.”
I just happened to be
Driving home from the lab
And I had extra hydrochloric acid
Beside me in the cab.
I tossed them the beakers
Which catch they did not.
Oh the presumably joyful tears
To their eyes that I brought!
Some people would pass them
Without thinking twice
But today I was different.
Today I was nice.
Filed under Poems
Things Could Be Better… Or Not?
Remember that time,
That era of bliss,
When everything was
So much better than this?
When rainbows were present
Despite sunny days?
When you truthfully liked
One or more high school plays?
When people were friendlier
Than they are now?
When you could eat beef
Without harming a cow?
When the radio played
All your favorite songs
And giant monkeys weren’t kings
But elected-representative Kongs?
When Hamilton tickets
Could be purchased without
Selling infants on ebay
And a diagnosis of gout?
When Harambe was living
And that neighbor you hate
Was still in a prison
Somewhere in Kuwait?
But alas, you are peasants
And remember you don’t.
You tell me “say sorry,”
But too bad, I won’t.
Filed under Poems
Everyone In Greece Is Laughing Now
Όλοι στην Ελλάδα
είναι το γέλιο τώρα.
Σου είπα.
Filed under Poems
Why I Don’t Rap
My glass chicken
Laid a Faberge egg.
Last night you laid your hand.
My cow produces
Golden milk.
My bull excretes your band.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 