You know when you lose
And you feel pretty lame
But you shake hands
And tell your partner “good game?”
I hope that you don’t
Because that old-fashioned crap is dead.
Losing is for losers.
Inaugurate Bernie instead!
Tag Archives: Postaday
Read This Poem To Your Children… You’ll Thank Me Later
Seahawks run.
Hawks run slowly.
Seahawks run quickly.
Spelling matters.
Patriots suck.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere A Nice Guy Is Finishing Second To Last
I like to raise a ruckus,
Rouse some rabble, have some fun.
I’m a manly man, so wild
That my hair is in a bun.
I’m true to my own nature
Even if it makes folks hate me.
I’m a mysterious loner bad-boy
So why does no one want to date me?
Filed under Poems
Perhaps He Should Have
They say “be polite,”
“Use your manners and be kind.”
If I wanted to be a diplomat
I’d have gone to college, mind.
Filed under Poems
A Sneak Peek At Poems From My Upcoming Senate Campaign
You may have both heard
I can’t be bothered
To write funny poems
Before evening’s chill.
I’d like to address
To the question, and yes
I will address it
Although first I will
Bring to your sense
The problems immense
That plague creativity
Such as lack of caffeine,
An unhealthy diet
(Though I’d urge you to try it),
And a sleep cycle deadly
To the health of one’s spleen.
These matters now raised
The establishment praised
Solutions that will not
These problems make right.
My plans will be different.
Now what was the question?
You don’t even remember.
With that said, good night!
Filed under Poems
Possible Political Folly = Guaranteed Comic Gold
So many nights I spent
Uninspired in my bed
Staring at the blinking cursor
With pages empty as my head.
The night after the election
So many topical jokes did flow
Which, hilarious as they might have been,
Of them the world can’t know.
A literal pot of gold
In my conciousness did lie
On the bright side much humor’s to come
Thanks to America’s choice. Bye bye!
Filed under Poems
And The Results Aren’t Even In!
Tonight in America…
All I’ve got to say
Is that yesterday’s poem
Is fading farther away.
Okay, I lied.
Either way four more years
Of falling stock values
And high sales of beers.
Filed under Poems
Sensi-Ball
I want to see a sport
Where forty normal guys
Cooperate athletically
To share a worthy prize.
No one would hit each other.
No feelings would be hurt.
They’d go home with clean jerseys
And their hands devoid of dirt.
No penalties are needed
For good sportsmanship prevails
And from such competition
Comes a host of happy tales.
Such sports would be refreshing
And a lovely change of pace
But for now I’ll stick with boxing
‘Cause I love some hand-to-face!
Filed under Poems
Valor’s Better Half (Alternate Title: Close To Home)
Discretion is a virtue
For which some have a knack.
Alas, it seems my roommate
In this department oft does lack.
I too must use discretion
When I lay upon his pillow
Subtle ads for soundproofing
And houses for rent on Zillow.
His endurance is remarkable
As much as his discretion.
He can “dance” for 90 minutes
Split into 60 micro-sessions.
I thought about live-tweeting
My compatriot’s loving dance
But by the time I’d typed my password
I’d already lost my chance.
Now in addition to discretion
Temperance I must display
To avoid sending him this poem
About his “bet you can’t have just one” lays.
You might call that passive-aggressive
And Dear Reader you’d be right.
I’ll ponder such implications
As I’m live-tweeting tonight.
Filed under Poems
You Think I’m Joking…
I want a theme park
Where 60-foot insects
Entertain guests
Who beside the bugs sit.
I hope the bugs bite
And destroy anybody
Who’s freaky enough
To buy a ticket to it.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 