My friends flanked me
And asked
In a way which I’ll say
Was stereophonic
“What’s a funny example
Of a time
When crap happened
That was ironic?”
I thought for a bit
When suddenly
An epiphany whiffed at me
Through the mounting tension.
I said “well one time
“People used words
“Expressing something contrary
To their literal intention.”
Filed under Poems
Her hair is long and red.
Here eyes are green and furry.
Her skin is made of broken souls.
Good thing my vision’s blurry.
Filed under Poems
I’m a proctologist,
Healer of butts.
That much I swear is the truth.
Folks always ask
Why I’ve chosen such work
That so clearly is gross and uncouth.
Some say it’s because
I want to be rich.
Some think I must be gay.
Some say I’ve got
A stick up my butt
And I want you to feel the same way.
Some say I had talent
In medical school
And I’d probably have aced all my classes
If I hadn’t been so
Dedicated and focused
On the likes of my peers and their asses.
Some say I love butts
A little too much
But hadn’t the talent for porn.
The truth is I want
To study in depth
How politicians are born.
Filed under Poems
My Brother is wealthy,
My Sister is wise,
My Dad’s got great hair
And my Mom has great eyes.
You should see my Aunt’s heart
Or my Grandfather’s spine,
But if you like cuticles
No one can beat mine.
Filed under Poems
Power corrupts
So flower power
Can cause, for some,
Hydrangea dange’a.
Filed under Poems
A failed piece of art
Made in Microsoft paint
Faces off against the Goddess
Of political taint
With the goal of defamation
And the tool of shameless lies
And among the States there echoes
350-million “Why”s.
Filed under Poems
Han was fine and dandy
Until Chewbacca came along
And made the “Solo” surname
Both illogical and wrong.
Filed under Poems
Card tricks stole my mind
‘Til 11:59.
Still published today!
Filed under Poems
I have a confession:
I can’t spell dietician.
Autocorrect is not helpful
And abuses its position.
If it has a “c” or “t”
For the ician/itian portion
Forces all my logic
To perform quite the contortion.
I was going to write a poem
Full of whimsy, fun, and laughter
But I lacked aforementioned spellings
That I’d long-since afore-sought after.
Thus you get this poem
Lacking good diet advice.
On the bright side dumbness inspired me
And I guess that’s pretty nice.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 