Tag Archives: Postaday

How To Name A Soap Opera

You know how in a setting

Where people have the same name

They add the last initial to the end

And try to make it sound not-lame?

I wonder if such trends apply

To animals as well,

Like if two sheep are named Adam

But one’s an E and one’s an L.

Let’s take it one step farther

And say there are two Adam E’s.

How do you distinguish them?

At this you dare not to sneeze.

So if you’re confused about which sheep

You’re looking for. One is eating and one’s up a tree

You can identify the sheep you want:

It’s Grazin’ Adam E.

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Camelot, <60 Seconds Before This Poem Becomes Tomorrow's Poem

The table’s round.

The knights are young.

The swords are drawn

And the fu is kung.

The mists descend

Like falling water

While the king mourns

That no one has yet made “Welcome Back Kotter.”

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Being Tired/Me

It’s late and I’m tired.

Around my head animated ducks do dance.

I could go to bed

But realistically there’s really no chance.

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I Propose A New Form Of Government, With Blackjack… And Hookers

“People can’t be trusted

“To govern themselves.”

Thus spake the many to you.

“But we, the incompetent

“Untrustworthy many

“Have the wisdom to pick those who’ll do.”

And so those who can’t govern

Pick from among them

An elite narcissistic few

And that, my dear readers,

Is why we the people

Are quite democratically screwed.

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The Mother-In-Law Speaks

Her skin was white and milky

Like a lump of unchurned butter.

Her hair was soft and silky

Like a smooth something-or-utter.

She lived with seven midgets

With ironic, mood-based names.

She gave me a case of the fidgets

And set my life aflame…

Bitch.

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TV Commercials, In Essence

You’re going to spend

The rest of your life

Drinking water solely

To transform into pee.

Instead get hydrated

The new, better way:

*Insert catchy jingle*

Come get an IV!

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Time Management

I’ve got a flight

Tomorrow at noon.

It boards at 11:00,

An hour too soon.

I need to be

At the gate by 10:00 an’

That means to be safe

I’ll shoot for 9:07.

To get there by 9:00

I should leave around 8:00

So we’ll say 7:30

In case I run late.

I should set my alarm

To give myself time

To fully prepare

So let’s say 6:09.

When you figure in traffic,

Potential assaults,

The phase of the moon,

And seismological faults

I left yesterday

At 11:08

All the while disappointed 

That I’ll probably be late.

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I Realized Recently That I Have Been Writing Very Short Poems With Extremely Long Titles, And I’d Just Like To Say That After Today That Won’t Happen Anymore… Probably

I’m just sayin’.

Feel free to weigh in.

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As It Turns Out History Is Not My Strongest Subject – Thus The Extra “D”

You’ve heard of the musical “Hamilton”

But have you heard the talk

Of my upcoming X-rated sequel

All about John Handcock?

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It’s A Metaphor For The Debate, Just FYI

Imagine a beach, sunny and warm.

The air is still, the tide is low.

A sandcastle and a tumbleweed

Wait for when the wind will blow

For with the wind come mighty waves

And so the castle foretells its fall.

The tumbleweed senses the moment when

The winds will answer its lazy call.

A bit of dirt dressed nobly

Collapses as the breezes rise.

A pointless weed will dance with joy

Among the currents of the sky.

A dirty house, an unrooted plant

So come together, sand and weeds:

They may not be what America wants

But the CPD says they’re what America needs.

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