Wild chickens of the North;
Black and white, they sally forth.
Their wings are much akin to fins.
That much I know of penguins.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Aragorn’s Vacation
The sun shines down,
Hot as myself.
I lie on a beach
With a dwarf and an elf.
My shining armor
Makes Gondor girls swoon.
It’s been a long, happy day
And it’s only noon.
Somewhere near Mordor
They’re killing the ring
And I’m just here like,
“I should be king.”
Sometimes I think
I should go help them out,
But Gollum’s got that covered,
Without a doubt.
So I sip margaritas
And smile a bit wider.
Someone calls me “sir.”
I say “please, call me Strider.”
But as the days pass
I grow somewhat bored.
When will they be finished
Reforging my sword?
Filed under Poems
Wildflengths
A rose by other names
Smells the same.
But poems would be lame
If flowers had a different name.
There would not be “flower power”
But instead “flength strength.”
I might pick a dozen gwazzles
Or a bouquet of mength.
I think you get the point,
And I’m running out of time.
This poem wasn’t flengthy
And very easy to rhyme.
When Dreams Can’t Come True
Her grew up studying ninjitsu.
He thought it would be fun
To join the teenage mutant turtles,
But he was 21.
Filed under Poems
…But Were Afraid To Ask
I’ve heard something about women
That makes me incredulous,
That when women live together
They synchronize their monthly schedule. Is
This true, I wonder?
And if it’s truly so
If you need to adjust your “schedule”
Is their a place you can go
Where various dominant women
With different monthly climes
Charge money to reassign “events”
To more convenient times?
You say these clubs do not exist?
Should someone start one then?
If we don’t ask, we’ll never know.
Yours sincerely,
Men
Filed under Poems
Something’s Fishy
If I were a fish
Swimming in the sea
I would look around with wonder
At all the life surrounding me.
I would stare at hermit crabs,
Their houses on their backs.
I would delight in flounders
In the deepest ocean black.
I would gaze upon the lobsters
With their rubber banded claws,
And upon the mermaids
In their little seashell bras.
I’d make fish-eyes at swimmers
And I’d maybe speak in whale.
I’d kill eater rats in the basement
‘Til I could level-up my tail.
And then when I was happy,
Experienced and strong
I’d bite down on a hook
And string a fisherman along.
But after my escape
I would not foresee
That the fisherman was angry
And had some TNT.
And so my final moments
Would be flashy and gory.
As I toss the dynamite from my boat
I tell myself this story.
Selling The Farm
As “My Little Pony” kids grow up
We must change our products, of course.
I’d like to propose a new toy line:
I call it, “My Big Ass Horse.”
It targets a new demographic
To break into a market we lack.
We’ll have all shapes and sizes of horses
In all colors, as long as they’re black.
We’ll distinguish this new product
From our competitors in this way:
These will be full-size, living horses
That you need to feed every day.
We can have spin-off products
Like “My cattle,” “my sheep,” “my mouse,”
“My dolphin,” “my armadillo,”
And, for those who like pigs, “my spouse.”
I know that this line will bring income
To our struggling toy company,
And I bring it to your attention
Because I have the inventory.
Filed under Poems
It made a Great Commemorative Mug Shot
The sign said “no trespassing,”
But I did.
The police came driving up,
So I hid.
The cops found me out,
So I lied.
They sent me off to prison,
Where I reside.
They ask “would you do it again?”
I say “yes.”
Were I smarter, I wouldn’t be
In this mess,
Because next time at Nasa
My face
Won’t be in the hole for
“Take your picture in space.”
Filed under Poems
Candy Mountain
There’s a monster hiding
In a mountain of sugar and fat.
It calls to me.
I cannot flee,
But I’m okay with that.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 