Tag Archives: Postaday

Public Spaces

Let me tell you

What I saw

While walking in the park:

A naked tree

And silent dog,

Both without their bark.

An ice cream truck

And teenagers,

Both trying to stay cool.

A screaming child

And litter,

Both unwanted in a pool.

The smell of grass

And pollen,

Both filling up my nose.

That girl I dumped

And no hiding place,

‘Cause that’s the way it goes.

A wad of dirt

And my own good arm,

My ex’s now-brown eyes.

Some flashing lights

And handcuffs

Makes me doubt my plan was wise.

A cop’s back seat,

Some iron bars,

A jury of my peers,

Now it’s just me

And “Chainsaw Ted”

For five to seven years.

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Where No Man Has Ever Gone Before

If you’re anything like me
And you really need to pee

And you can’t hold it anymore

The solution isn’t hard.

Give the guy at the next urinal your card.

You won’t pee until 2024.

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This Poem Rejected by Hallmark

Today’s the day we drink until

We’re knocked over by a breeze.

It’s by far the holiday

With the fewest memories.

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I’ll Probably Just End Up Unsubscribing Anyway…

There is a website 

That hands out free money,

Feeds hungry children,

And makes dreams come true.

I didn’t go there.

I’d have to make an account

And I’ve too many passwords

Already. Don’t you?

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No Free Love

I paid through the nose

In blood sweat and tears

To earn the love of my Lisa.

She’s worth every drop,

But before you propose

Best to ask if your love accepts Visa.

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A Few Good Runs

I eat a plum

To celebrate

A happy day,

Successful date,

A win at work,

A good night’s sleep,

Looking at a woman

Without seeming like a creep.

I’ve been succeeding

In lots of ways,

And I’ll be out of the bathroom

One of these days…

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Daylight “Savings”

We lost one hour

When we got out of bed.

Next year let’s do it

On a Monday instead.

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But I mean Well

I’m the type of friend

That gets called at 3:00 AM

By a buddy in a ditch

Needing someone to help them.

I’m the type of friend

Who will drive a hundred miles

At 90 miles an hour

To see tears turn into smiles.

I’m the type of friend

Who hits pedestrians

Because I do not sleep.

Yep, I’m that type of friend.

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Installing Updates

Only on Windows

Does “100% complete”

Mean “Go get a donut,

Go see that movie,

Go create world peace,

Then come back and see

‘18% complete.'”

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Stranded In Paradise

I’ve been here

For a hundred days,

All by myself

With the ocean waves.

Now normally

I would be pleased

With this sunny weather

And ocean breeze,

All the free food

I can eat,

But I’m lonely.

There’s no one here to meet.

I haven’t spoken

Or had human contact

Since my nav equipment

Got out-of-whack’ed.

I wrote a message

In the sand,

Hoping a rescue

Had been planned.

Then on the day

One-hundred and one

I got a message

From someone.

A bottle floated

Onto my beach,

A letter inside

Just beyond my reach.

I made a rope

Of jungle vines,

Some of my hair,

And survival twines.

I climbed down a cliff

And grabbed my hope.

I popped the cork

And read the note.

“Hi there stranger!

“This game’s a rush!

“Come join me

“On Candy Crush!”

My sandy message is gone

Without a trace.

I no longer miss

The human race.

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