For Halloween I dressed like Legolas
From the franchise about the ring,
But as I walked about the town
People kept asking me to sing.
At first I didn’t understand
This request, but I caught on later…
People figured I could sing
Since I’m an Elvish Impersonator.
Filed under Poems
If you want a large-beaked bird
A pelican will do.
If you want a big-beaked philosopher
Then Peli Kant’s for you.
If you want a big-beaked marsupial
Try pelikangaroo.
If you want other big-beaked puns…
You guessed it: Pelican-do.
Filed under Poems
I started a band where we’d play
Stuff other folks played first. OK?
Then I did discover
Such a band’s called a Cover,
And thus I named our band “Duvet.”
Filed under Poems
I saw a gal I thought was cute
So I asked her thoughts on pitted fruit.
She said she thought plums were great
So I asked “How ’bout a date?”
Filed under Poems
While I was at a funeral
I had to share a thought.
I stood and shouted “Plethora!”
They said “Thanks. That means a lot.”
Filed under Poems
My sex life is like a game of bridge,
And I don’t mean bland:
I don’t need a partner
‘Cause I have an awesome hand.
Filed under Poems
The french-fried potatoes
That I bought from Wendy’s
Are covered in tattoos
And wear pants around their knees,
They complain about white privilege
And say “sup” instead of “hey.”
That’s when I remembered
That today is black fry day.
A fly was buzzing around my head.
It drove me up the wall!
I took away its Red Bull
And now it’s just a crawl.
Filed under Poems
My DJ name is “Other Shoe.”
I’m the cream of the DJ crop.
No matter what other DJs do
They wait for “Other Shoe” to drop…
Filed under Poems
We who play accordions
Know the Native Americans want us
Because they want to have a kid
And name it Polkahontas.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 