I read a headline today
About some medical supplements
Who killed a baker’s apprentice.
I couldn’t help but say “oh boy.”
What else can you say
When you read in the paper
A headline that says
“Pills bury dough boy.”
Tag Archives: Puns
Lots Of Variety, At Least
I’ve got a great idea
For an online dating site
Wherein critical care patients
Can be Mister or Miss Right.
Those not long for this world
From Tennessee to Guam
Can find a short-term love
At ExpirationDate.com
Filed under Poems
Stanzas 2, Thought 0
When I moved into
The mobile home park
I thought my life
Was turning dark,
But I found pleasure
As I sought paying labors
In the form of melo-
Dramatic neighbors.
If you say “hello”
They say “Hail traveler!”
You say “I like Charizard,”
And they say “I love Graveler!”
It’s like they’re in a movie,
So although my life’s a failure
I take solace in the fact
They’re a theatrical trailer.
Filed under Poems
New Discoveries In Fad Gastronomy
I’m on a new diet
Where I stand outside
As the rain pours upon me
And softens my hide,
Where the drumbeat of storms
And the wind’s icy whip
Shall grab fat from my bones
And from my body strip.
This diet’s approved
By the Gods of the gale,
Guaranteed by the ancients
To make man out of whale.
While such primeval cures
Do at first seem too frightening
I do endorse this diet
Of Thunder and Lightening.
Filed under Poems
Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor
Sometimes I take a bath
To ease the stress of taxation.
I fill the tub with herbs
Such as thyme for relaxation.
Filed under Poems
A New Rainbow Awakens
I’m feeling kinda down
Like a king without a crown.
I’m cowardly, as yellow as they come.
I’ve read like half a million books
By a bunch of chefs and cooks
But about sustainability I’m still dumb.
I thought maybe I’d fit in
If I changed my skin
But this spray-tan makes me look like that guy on the news.
You put it all together
In the rain or sunny weather…
I’ve got the well-read, not-green, yellow, orangey-white guy blues.
Filed under Poems
Not Pictured: Half-Full Glass, Girlfriend?
Everything in my life sucks
So I spend a lot of time
With my vacuum cleaner
Because I love irony
And clean floors.
Filed under Poems
The Favorite Joke Of A Stuffed Llama Named “Lee”
I was traveling in Delhi
When I noticed something smelly,
A lentil dish I didn’t want at all.
I asked “what’s that?” They said
“That’s for punishment,”
And explained to me the dish was vudu dahl.
Filed under Poems
…of Wrath?
You may not think it’s fine
To live life as a mulcher
At a vineyard, but don’t whine
Just ’cause you’re part of grape culture.
Filed under Poems
Really Though, How Do You Spell The Last Word?
I looked at all the people
Seated in their chairs.
I told them “I won’t paint the steps”
But I only got blank stares.
The Daily Travesty 