I’m feeling kinda down
Like a king without a crown.
I’m cowardly, as yellow as they come.
I’ve read like half a million books
By a bunch of chefs and cooks
But about sustainability I’m still dumb.
I thought maybe I’d fit in
If I changed my skin
But this spray-tan makes me look like that guy on the news.
You put it all together
In the rain or sunny weather…
I’ve got the well-read, not-green, yellow, orangey-white guy blues.
Filed under Poems
Everything in my life sucks
So I spend a lot of time
With my vacuum cleaner
Because I love irony
And clean floors.
Filed under Poems
I was traveling in Delhi
When I noticed something smelly,
A lentil dish I didn’t want at all.
I asked “what’s that?” They said
“That’s for punishment,”
And explained to me the dish was vudu dahl.
Filed under Poems
You may not think it’s fine
To live life as a mulcher
At a vineyard, but don’t whine
Just ’cause you’re part of grape culture.
Filed under Poems
I looked at all the people
Seated in their chairs.
I told them “I won’t paint the steps”
But I only got blank stares.
One of the items
On my list of wants
Is the power to speak
In different fonts.
The power of Impact,
Or Arial’s even measure…
The freedom to choose
Would be such a treasure!
But alas in this world
Of fontless death and birth
We’re trapped in a state
Of Helvetica on Earth.
Filed under Poems
There’s a reason there aren’t dentists
On that South Dakota mountain
‘Cause then they’d have to call it “Mount Brushmore.”
For taste there’s no accountin’.
Filed under Poems
Power corrupts
So flower power
Can cause, for some,
Hydrangea dange’a.
Filed under Poems
Purple rain
Is such a pain.
Purple haze
Will not amaze.
For purple weather
That’s really neat
You need to try out
Purple sleet!
Like solid water
Or saggy snow
Purple Sleet’s
The way to go.
You doubt me? Ask
A friendly pilot:
There’s no sleet like
Sleet that is violet.
When hail’s too hard
And rain’s too gray
Don’t bid the clouds
To go away.
Instead you’ll wish
(Unless you’re dumb)
For slush to fall
That’s colored plum.
Purple Sleet
Will enlarge your meat.
It’s organic and part
Of a breakfast complete.
So when you’re blue
And just can’t cope
And some red to your slush:
Your sleet’s heliotrope!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 