I heard him tell her “You’re breathtaking,”
And I thought “That’s nice, isn’t it.”
Then I realized it was a guy with a lisp
Who just punched his wife on the tit.
Tag Archives: Short
Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
Today I saw one per cent milk
And so I gave my mom a holler.
Turns it it’s just crappy milk,
Not 100 milks for a dollar.
Filed under Poems
On A Scale Of One-To-Steak…
When I see people eating kale
I find it kind of odd
‘Cause kale is to vegetables
As celery is to God.
Filed under Poems
EA Poems
There once was a small stoic duck
Who, alas, had run out of luck.
But he soon hatched a plan
And oh boy and oh man!
Filed under Poems
Double Standard Alert!
If a woman sleeps with 20 men
She’s empowered, so that’s okay,
Yet if I sleep with 20 men
Somehow that makes me gay?
Filed under Poems
Jesus Bought The DLC
I think that when you die
You just wake up in a dark room
And someone tells you
“Your free trial of Life has expired”
And you have to make a new email address
‘Cause you’re poor.
Filed under Poems
It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes
Yesterday I wrote two poems.
I feel like a dunce.
I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)
But it got published at once.
Because of my mistake that day
You must hear me now annunc…
Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless
And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”
Filed under Poems
OKICURAB
Some think the title is an advocacy group.
Some read “Ok, I see you are a bee.”
Some think it’s the name of a fantasy villain,
And only the last group plays D&D.
Filed under Poems
This Is Probably Sexist…
Science has concluded
That for most life on earth
The number of penises you have
Is inversely correlated with your odds of giving birth.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 