Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
Tag Archives: Short
Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)
When you say 2001
Some say “A space odyssey,”
Some say “September 11th,”
Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”
One of those subgroups
Is precious to me.
Filed under Poems
If California Secedes…
I wish there were a country
That was named “Yomom’sawhore”
‘Cause that way children wouldn’t have to
Study geography anymore.
Filed under Poems
Because Disney Ruins Everything
If I owned a magic candy cane
That could call thunder and rain
I’d try to die ASAP
So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.
Filed under Poems
A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization
The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Filed under Poems
Watch As This Somehow Violates The WordPress Terms Of Service…
If you see an ad
Anywhere around this page
Do not click on it.
Advertisers don’t
Pay me to be on my site.
That gives me no joy.
But if I offend
All the advertising firms
They might go away.
Thus all these haiku
Warning you not to click on
Those cheap f#%^ers’ ads.
Filed under Poems
White Privilege 2.0
Despite meeting a cannibal
I feel pretty good.
I was scared until he said
That he liked Chinese food.
Filed under Poems
Lettuce Feast
Salads are bad.
We know this because
The dressing industry exists to hide
How bad your salad was.
Filed under Poems
My Little League Career
Like the full moon’s silhouette
In the cloudless morning sky
The baseball whispered through the air
And smacked me in the eye.
It’s not a good analogy
Nor a comfortable event
But it gets the basic point across
Of how the ballgame went.
Filed under Poems
Charisma 18, Dexterity 1
Abraham Lincoln,
The breaker of chains:
‘Twas he who guided
America’s reigns,
Who heralded vict’ry
And ended much strife
But couldn’t dodge a bullet
To save his life.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 