He started as a humble sponge
Used to being ignored.
Then he got famous, his ego grew,
And he became self-absorbed.
——————————————————–
I picked up a hitchhiking balloon
Who was waiting at a bus stop.
I asked what sort of music he liked;
He said “Anything but pop.”
——————————————————–
My relationship: I wanted to end it.
I told my girl “I want to be independent.”
In her right jacket-pocket
She had my photo in a locket
And said “You are… in de pendant!”
…So I killed her.
Filed under Poems
You probably didn’t think
That evidence you’d find
To elect a Pokémon,
But I hope to change your mind:
So if you are American
(Or not, we don’t really check)
Vote Meowth 2020
‘Cause hey! What the heck?
Filed under Poems
I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.
I used to be known as whom all women crave.
I used to be humble, witty, and wise
But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.
Filed under Poems
How do you pronounce vapid,
Plein air, eschew, or bow?
Then when you factor in typoes
You really never now.
Filed under Poems
Two inches of snow
Means schools are closed tomorrow.
Colorado laughs.
Filed under Poems
Those who take the roles
Of conducting political polls
Should receive an MD
In proctology
For their research in helping assholes.
Filed under Poems
A dozen roses can show your love
If flowers are what your love adores
But if you send a Rose Tico
You might accidentally kill Star Wars.
Filed under Poems
There’s a billion folks in poverty.
A billion more are sick.
Every day a million innocents
Will fall for dirty tricks.
Homeless folks are freezing
And millions have no food
But you made a cross at halftime
So I’ve got you, football dude!
Filed under Poems
Once upon a time
There was a noncommittal grunt
That lurked within the throat
Of a rather stuck up… woman.
One day it emerged
And then vanished into thin air.
There’s some backstory and lore as well
But I figure you don’t care.
Filed under Poems
Blue whales are the biggest beasts
That ever lived on earth
Who weigh more than Drew Carey
At the moment of their birth.
They start out life as sperm whales
Then they go to whale high school
Where they get teased until they’re sad
And thus end up blue. Cool!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 