Tag Archives: Short

Quick Thoughts On Bad Drivers

Justice

I think we all agree that it’s

A terrible fate to drown

But I still wish it on those

Who pass me then slow down.

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Bumper Stickers:

It have noticed that

People honk for Jesus more

When I text my friends.

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Self-Awareness

If you see a car with the hazard lights on

It’s probably my Grandma Ruth.

She’s not a very good driver

But she always tells the truth.

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You Do It Too…

My pinky and ring-finger rise

And my upward palm is flat,

The universal symbol

Of “What the fuck was that?”

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Dear Snowflakes…

If the words of a total stranger

Can cause great offense to you

Then I have just one thing to say

And that is whoop-dee-doo.

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Oh Sheet…

I started a band where we’d play

Stuff other folks played first. OK?

Then I did discover

Such a band’s called a Cover,

And thus I named our band “Duvet.”

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Tomorrow I’ll Be Motivated

This year I wrote poems

In large quantities.

Next year I will do the same.

That’s why I don’t mind

That my poem this evening

Is a bit on the spectrum of lame.

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Wizard, Meet Rogue

He said he had a magic trick

That always would impress.

He told me to pick any card

So I picked his American Express.

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Just Peachy

I saw a gal I thought was cute

So I asked her thoughts on pitted fruit.

She said she thought plums were great

So I asked “How ’bout a date?”

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What You Do When You Can’t Mock Kwanzaa Via Poetry And Keep Your Job

‘Twas the day after Christmas

And all through my mind

No ideas were stirring

Of the poetic kind.

I stood by the fire

While amidst the tumult

And I pumped out two stanzas,

This being the result.

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I’m Going To Say This Before Every Meal From Now On

Jesus was born in a manger

And in French “manger” means “to eat.”

I don’t know how that is relevant

But I still think it is neat.

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When Nerds Die

While I was at a funeral

I had to share a thought.

I stood and shouted “Plethora!”

They said “Thanks. That means a lot.”

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She’ll Start Exercising In January

The lady on the internet

Wrote “5551618.”

I thought that was her phone number

But, alas, ’twas just her weight.

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