If I had a nickel
For every time I lied
I would have zero cents
And a supermodel by my side.
Tag Archives: Short
Golden Slipper
I slipped on a banana
And fell on my butt
And it excited me
Because you know what?
Everyone told me “you’ll never
“Be yogurt” but I fought ‘em
And now look at me!
I’ve got fruit on the bottom!
Filed under Poems
All Breast Meat
If you were a mother and became a zombie
And started a life with you lil zombaby
Unlife would seem great when you lurch from the hearse
‘Til it’s time for the zombaby to nurse…
Filed under Poems
Artistic Priorities
Today I was a DJ
At a wedding for my friends.
It was great, but tiring
And thus this poem ends.
Filed under Poems
Deep Thoughts
I think of all the seaweed
The one that gets the most teased
Has got to be the kelp
‘Cause their name rhymes with help.
I think of all the jewelry
The one suffering the least tomfoolery
Would have to be the silver
By the same logic as previously.
Filed under Poems
Preview of the State of the Union, 2023
Socks suck!
That’s an absolute fact.
They make your feet sweaty
And fail to attract.
They’re itchy and tubular,
Brown, black, and white
But if paired with some sandals
I guess they’re alright…
Filed under Poems
The Racist Test
Asians are little.
White people are bigger.
The next largest up
Would have to be the magnitude of panic in your eyes when I start reading this poem on the streets of any major city at night.
Filed under Poems
But Oh That Tan…
The heat is getting hot in here
And the sun is really sunny,
Unlike when it rained so hard
It was damp and unfunny.
I like it when it’s hot sometimes
Unlike my colleague, Heather
Who thinks she’s good-looking enough
To talk about the weather.
Filed under Poems
…Play Dead… Yeah, That’s The Whole Joke
If I were a possum
And also a poet
I’d write while I’m scared
And the writing would show it;
I’d start a stanza
But when filled with dread
I’d
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 