If I were born in France
I’d have had a harder childhood.
I’m a pretty nerdy dude
Which means it wouldn’t be too good
To be in school and hunted
Like hounds hunt a fox
Except I’m French, to I’d surrender
To all the athletic Jacques.
Tag Archives: Silly
I Actually Wrote A French Poem Too, But If You’re Reading This You Probably Don’t Like That Kinda Thing
Filed under Poems
We All Know A Group Like This…
There once was a five minute break
Between 8:30 and 8:37.
It was twelve minutes long
Until cake came along
And we all reconvened at 11:00
Filed under Poems
When You’ve Had Enough Of These Idiots, But You’re In The Middle Of A Raid
Some call it soda.
Some call it pop.
Some call it cola.
I tell them to stop.
They call me a downer,
A prophet of doom
So I logged off my game
And I left my room.
Filed under Poems
Past, No Presents, And Eternity
The saddest nights in history
Are probably the fall of Rome,
The night you watch the start of “Up”,
And when Santa worked from home.
Filed under Poems
A Brain Teaser
If you’re thinking too much
About overthinking
Then I think that you think
That your thinking is sinking
Your chance to think straight
And straight thoughts slink away
And by thinking of slinking
You’ll think of a way
To link up your thinking
And think slinking thoughts
‘Til you out-think the thinkers,
Both humans and bots.
If you understand this
Your thinking is zen,
But if you think you’re done thinking
Then you’d best think again.
Filed under Poems
A Potion For Happiness
Start with a cold cup of water
With an ice cube or two to be sure,
Then pour in some lemon and iodine
And crack in an egg, raw and pure.
Whisk it with vigor and emphasis
Then plop in a gobbet of spit.
Your potion is done! Now go find someone,
And into their face you toss it!
Filed under Poems
What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…
There once was a guy and his dog
And they read limericks on a blog.
Now he’s married to a hotty
And he drives a bugatti
And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.
Filed under Poems
Billionaire Dads Be Like
“Daddy, I want a spaceship”
Were the last words my son said
Before I gave him a spaceship
And sent him off to bed.
Filed under Poems
Apparently He Was A Commercial Whaler
I always wonder about the scientist
Who named the sperm whale.
I imagine he was drunk
And probably male
And thought making you say “sperm”
Was a hoot and a gas
And he probably idolized the guy
Who named donkeys “ass”.
Filed under Poems
Right?
I have a secret mission
That I need to undertake
But leaving online evidence
Is surely a mistake…
If only there were a button
That I could press to hide
My browser history… also
The hate I feel inside.
Oh wait? What is this button
With a sneaky little spy?
An incognito window?
Why, that’s just the thing that I
Did need for just this purpose!
I’m glad Google has my back.
Now pet me commence searching
For things they’d never, ever track…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 