In every Pokemon game
The story is the same.
In Zelda, the main canon
Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.
So if you say that Russia
Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya
‘Cause if anybody can
I’d guess the culprit is Japan.
Tag Archives: Silly
Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines
Filed under Poems
Classic Literature
Of all the editors who ever were
One doesn’t get enough credit:
Somebody read “69,046.767 miles under the sea” And asked “have you heard of a league?”
(The other editors never read it)
Filed under Poems
Dear Christians… There Is Only One
Let me introduce myself:
My name is Danny Michael.
I’m a circus performer
And I ride the unicycle.
I’m glad you guys are happy
But imagine how you’d feel
If you were me, and you kept telling
Jesus to take the wheel…
Filed under Poems
Everything Else Signifies Subtle Loathing
If your cat attacks you
It means he wants your love.
So does meowing, purring,
And leaping on you from above.
But if your cat ignores you
And poops in the flower bed
It means “Yeah sure, I love you
“But don’t let it go to your head.”
Filed under Poems
Is There A Saint Dick Or A Saint Mickey As Well?
I am the type of person
Who will see the pearly gates
And confess all my discretions
Where redemption thus awaits
Until forward steps St. Peter
And unto me he does declare
“I am Peter”, and I giggle
And am promptly sent “down there”.
Filed under Poems
Never Gonna Give You Up
I left an item in a shopping cart
Seven years ago.
I still get advertisements to this day.
I wish I were so smart
That I could only know
How to make my hairline work that way.
Filed under Poems
A Travesty Guide To The Identification Of Wild Berries
Blackberries have thorns
And grow up in the wild.
Whiteberries are bad at basketball
And their bathrooms are well tiled.
Asianberries have good grades
Which means they understand
That whiteberries are not a thing
And this poem got out of hand.
Filed under Poems
The Consequences Of Bad Parenting
Where once there was a monument
There’s now some mossy rubble.
The world was once a peaceful place
But now’s awash with trouble.
The air is filled with fire
And the sky is full of ash
Because your six-year-old ignored you
When you said “Don’t do anything rash.”
Filed under Poems
Sort Of An Umbrella Poem About… Well, You Get It
Sometimes a banana is just a banana
And a tree is just a big, stiff, and girthy
And if you don’t know how torpedos fit in
Then your mind has yet to become worthy.
Filed under Poems
I Am Become Dum Dum Tss *Xylophone Noises*
Sometimes I wonder about the guy
Who took the default background photos
Or composed the ringtones for the popular phones
Or wrote the “you’re on hold” jazz
And I wonder if they are proud
Or ashamed of what they’ve created,
Sort of like the nuclear bomb
But without the violence
And they can watch anime in peace.
The Daily Travesty 