At the Battle of Thermopylae
480 BC
299 Spartans
Marched to meet Xerxes.
Meanwhile, Jeffichus the imprecise
Was tasked with taking the minutes
Instead of marching into war
‘Cause it’s close enough to 300, innit?
Tag Archives: Silly
Line. Breaks. Matter.
As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Filed under Poems
The Slow Learner
School is super awesome
‘Cause you get to go to class
And get yelled at by the teacher
‘Cause you’re super full of sass
And you get to ride a yellow bus
And eat mystery meat
In a gym full of 400 kids
And 800 smelly feet.
You get to learn a lot of stuff
Like math and reading books
And people whisper behind your back
And give you funny looks
And they legally can’t kick you out
If you try hard not to pass
And yes, I’m 48-years-old
And never late for class.
Filed under Poems
Listening Is Hard
“What do you want for your birthday?”
So many have asked this of me,
Yet I still have zero doomsday devices
And seventy-two graphic tees…
Filed under Poems
Win-Win
If we throw the politicians
Into the holy volcano of K’raxx’iss
We’ll either ensure a bountiful harvest
Or pay a lot less in taxes.
Filed under Poems
The End Of Summer
Back to school is near…
Then, when kids are back in class
Pumpkin spice returns.
Filed under Poems
Mama… Dada…****ing **** ******* in a ****** Puddle
If we make all words
Inappropriate to say
Kids will talk at birth.
Filed under Poems
When You Hit 18, That’s When You Buy A New One
If your underwear
Doesn’t have at least nine holes
You might be a chick
Filed under Poems
Girls Just LOVE Exfoliating
My forehead is sunburnt
And peeling a bit.
My wife, for some reason,
Is playing with it,
Peeling my flesh off
With childish glee
And I love that I found someone
Weirder than me.
Filed under Poems
There Can Only Be One…
If you ever feel inferior
Be glad it’s not your fate
To be one of the walls in China
That never will be great.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 