I have a stomach summit,
An abdominal alley,
A gut gulch, a paunch pouch,
A beneath-the-vest valley,
A digester dugout,
A taut torso trench,
But she said “Belly-Button”
So I dumped the wench.
I have a stomach summit,
An abdominal alley,
A gut gulch, a paunch pouch,
A beneath-the-vest valley,
A digester dugout,
A taut torso trench,
But she said “Belly-Button”
So I dumped the wench.
Filed under Poems
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
Filed under Poems
Some people are happy to be born in July
But I say those people are wrong;
Objectively, a January birthday is the best
‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.
Some people just are lucky
By their nature it would seem,
Like take my Muslim buddy
Who I fondly call Kareem…
He fought against America
And lost both legs in the war
And now he wastes no money
Buying ladders anymore!
Or take my buddy La’Kwon
Who is bald and five-foot-three
And every February
His Valentine’s dinner is free!
Some people get to camp for free
300 days a year.
Others have no eyeballs
And they never shed a tear.
Some folks are hard of hearing
And don’t have to wear a mask
And all I can say is “I am fine,
“Whyever do you ask?”
Filed under Poems
I went through a stage when I was an actor.
I think the hole in the floor was a factor.
The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.
Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!
Filed under Poems
Maybe, just maybe
Dragons aren’t here anymore
Because they breathed fire
But now the sky is full of air?
Filed under Poems
The Persians used to rule the world
Before they started making rugs.
The British used to rule the world
Before they gave the world free hugs.
So too the Mongols, Austria-Hungary,
Greeks, and Romans lost their graces,
But none fell more than when the Goths
Learned new ways to paint their faces…
Filed under Poems
This evening I realized,
While sitting in the sauna,
Some people make a living
By baking food with marijuana.
So if you are a baker
It does appear to me
You’re basically just selling weed
With a cheaper recipe…
Filed under Poems
Amidst the “What the heck?s”
About kneeling for anthems and necks
One man has consistently stood tall:
That man is Neil Diamond,
Who protested against crime and
Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.
Filed under Poems