If you put your life on the line
To defend our nation
You get one day for
A long weekend vacation.
If you decide
“Everyone turns me on”
You get all of June
To be praised unto dawn.
But whether you’re mad
That the alphabet crew
Get a month, or that veterans
Kinda get screwed
What we must remember
With all we hold dear
Is that China gives bunnies
A whole freakin’ year!
Filed under Poems
We’ve finally reached the fated day
Where your date presents a resume
And you have to ask her in detail
About the gap in her experience as a female
Filed under Poems
I roasted marshmallows on an open fire
And the poofed up soft and gold.
I roasted them over a vat of ice
And they sat unchanged. I’m told
That fire and ice are equals
And, while true, it must be said
That camping is better with fire than ice.
Now enlightened, go ye to bed.
Filed under Poems
There was a fantabulous spy
Who was put in a death trap to die.
His life then did cease
And the world knew no peace.
If you’ve never heard of him, that’s why.
Filed under Poems
There once was a noble chihuahua
Whose owner was trapped in the shower.
He flew like an ace
To bite her on the face
Then barked nonstop for 24 hours.
Filed under Poems
I flew home on a plane through the air
Then I drove in a car on a road.
Now I’m sitting butt-down on a chair
And my creativity has yet to fully load.
Filed under Poems
If everybody in the world
Could be a fish for just one day
I think we’d finally be able to make
Gas station sushi go away.
Filed under Poems
I flew on a plane to New Orleans
And by now you know what that means:
I’m probably tired, and pleased to report
That this poem is late and also is short.
Filed under Poems
Today I learned something amazing…
The answer to a riddle:
Apparently there’s more than one
Flavor of Skittles!
Filed under Poems
There once was an admiral poll
That asked “how to meet our recruiting goal”
Options one was “Raise pay”
Option two was “Be gay”
And the navy said “‘Kay queens, let’s roll”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 