If you’re a man trying to hump
A large marine mammal that’s male
If it humps back you may have found
A homosexuwhale.
Tag Archives: Stupid
This Poem Is Brolken
I wanted to make a polka joke
To show I am a funny folk
Then I drank a diet colk
So instead I told a polka jolk.
Filed under Poems
The Four Elements: A Modern Myth
In the domain of clouds and bursting sun
Lived Lychlorida, daughter of the sky.
In thermals and in tailwinds she’d run,
A sister to all birds and things that fly.
In green and blue and black oceans and seas
Lychlorida sent rain to her brother,
King of water, born of a river breeze,
The second child of their divine mother.
Beneath ocean and sky, sister enflamed,
Deity of fire where the earth’s plates grind,
Asked why only Lychlorida was named
(Although she found she really didn’t mind).
And last, on Earth, the fourth child, king of stone
Knew none of this; He just played on his phone.
Filed under Poems
One Thing Most Of You Will Never Have To Worry About
If you’re ever taking a walk
And you’re an amateur mime named Jean-Jacques
You’d be an unlucky bloke
If you had a stroke
But oh, how the viewers would talk!
Filed under Poems
St. Patty’s Day
Today we drink and wear green clothes
And that’s just about it.
I hope I’ve helped to illustrate
Why this holiday is shit.
Filed under Poems
Why I’m Homeschooled
I knew not how to spell “Schism”
And so I took a wild guess…
“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-
o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”
Filed under Poems
The Nose Ring Origin Story?
I wonder who first got the notion
That to enhance one’s beauty and grace
And inspire mens’ loving devotion
They should stick some hardware in their face.
Filed under Poems
Three Wholesome Jokes (Almost)
He started as a humble sponge
Used to being ignored.
Then he got famous, his ego grew,
And he became self-absorbed.
——————————————————–
I picked up a hitchhiking balloon
Who was waiting at a bus stop.
I asked what sort of music he liked;
He said “Anything but pop.”
——————————————————–
My relationship: I wanted to end it.
I told my girl “I want to be independent.”
In her right jacket-pocket
She had my photo in a locket
And said “You are… in de pendant!”
…So I killed her.
Filed under Poems
How To Write A Superbowl Ad
You start out with a robot
That’s been made with CGI
Who says one beer is best
With no compelling reason why.
Next you strip the advertisement
Of anything resembling humor
So you don’t provoke the many
With an “I’m Offended” tumor.
Then say “We love social justice
“So you should buy our calamari”
With the sincerity of a five-year-old
When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”
The result’s an advertisement
To appeal to a mob
That hates all corporations
But still needs them for their job.
I hope next year’s Sportsball expo
Doesn’t try to be so “woke”
And the 2020 vegans
Are prepared to take a joke.
Filed under Poems
Sincerely, God
There’s a billion folks in poverty.
A billion more are sick.
Every day a million innocents
Will fall for dirty tricks.
Homeless folks are freezing
And millions have no food
But you made a cross at halftime
So I’ve got you, football dude!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 