Certain things sound like
Exactly what they mean
Like soy latte, pumpernickel,
Kitty, spoof, and spleen.
Other words were chosen
Without their meaning in mind
Like crepe, seizure, pumpernickel,
And the “pay me” version of “fine.”
Tag Archives: Stupid
Wake Me Up When September Ends
Some may think it’s pretty neat,
But I just think its’s strange,
That there are people in the street
Protesting climate change,
Demanding that reality
Conform to how they view it
And thinking politicians
Have the tools with which to do it.
Meanwhile, folks RSVP’ed
To commit a federal crime
Via Facebook, storming Area 51.
(This stanza ends with a rhyme)
I think that this September
Is as dumb as a month can get,
But then I smile and remember…
It hasn’t ended yet.
Filed under Poems
Jurass-is-Grass
The Tyrannosaurus Rex
Was stalking the jungle
And feeling incredibly violent
When, soundless and yellow,
Urine hit the fellow
For the Pterodactyl’s pee is silent.
Filed under Poems
Watching the Debates
What you need to know about ducks
Is not as important as the fact
That every day a million fish
Are, by some birds, attacked.
Those fish cannot defend themselves
Against these violent birds
And it’s time for us to take a stand
And learn to use our words.
When I held political office
In a non-avian related capacity
I realized that my constituents
Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.
Because of that, I make my case
That fish deserve love too
So vote for me in 2020
And also ducks. Thank you!
Filed under Poems
The Least Surprising Story Ever
The gender-neutral pronoun
In the english tongue is “he”
According to the Chicago Manual of Style.
A person on the internet
Disagreed with me.
He was a vegan 49ers fan named Kyle.
Filed under Poems
Vaping
I said “People love dying of cancer
“And stinky electrical stuff.
“Why don’t we combine them?”
Then the corporations called my bluff.
Filed under Poems
Mary Poppins, Directed by Quentin Tarantino
I like hiking by the stream.
I like the taste of whipping cream.
I like having a happy dream.
Also, the electric chair.
Filed under Poems
When You Catch Someone’s Eye(s)…
Tonight I came to realize
That if you see the world through another’s eyes
You might see, through this new view,
That someone made a horror movie based on the sick, eye-stealing you.
Filed under Poems
When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong
She asked to buy a stove,
A stove she could love.
They asked at what cost?
“The one that costs the most.”
They heard what she said
And watched as she paid.
Then they helped her move
The new stove, her love.
Filed under Poems
She Did Not Laugh Throatily
She asked me for a diamond necklace.
I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.
She asked me for a diamond necklace
But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 