In the news: 007 is a black lady
And a million people attack area 51.
Neither endeavor is likely to succeed
But at least “Seein’ dem aliens” will be fun.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Oscarbait 2019
I screamed at the milk carton
“Why doesn’t she love me?”
The milk carton pondered
For a long, long time.
Starring Keanu Reeves.
Filed under Poems
Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
Today I saw one per cent milk
And so I gave my mom a holler.
Turns it it’s just crappy milk,
Not 100 milks for a dollar.
Filed under Poems
He’s The Best At Reverse Psychology
If the pro-lifers want to win
They just need Trump to say
“Abortion is a bigly good
“And also I’m a gay.”
Filed under Poems
It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes
Yesterday I wrote two poems.
I feel like a dunce.
I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)
But it got published at once.
Because of my mistake that day
You must hear me now annunc…
Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless
And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”
Filed under Poems
This Is Probably Sexist…
Science has concluded
That for most life on earth
The number of penises you have
Is inversely correlated with your odds of giving birth.
Filed under Poems
Scandinavia
Somebody was like
“What if we wrote ‘SKJ’
“And pronounced it like ‘sh?'”
And another guy was like
“When Hell freezes over.”
And I was like
“Nor way man!”
Also hockey, socialism, and vikings.
Filed under Poems
That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”
My dad has the heart of a lion.
My mom has the heart of a gnu.
Sure, my dad has better taste
But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend
My friend has 70 statues of legs.
I don’t know how he got ’em,
But I know if he ever spanks a statue
He’ll likely hit rock bottom.
Filed under Poems
White Men, 2019
One day someone was looking
At a girl with diamond earrings
And thought “hey, those are pretty
“But why not use frisbees instead?”
Thus was the beginning
Of the now-frequent appearings
Of those with earlobes larger
Than the brains inside their heads.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 