My travel agent pats my back
And loads me in the trough
And says “You’re saving CO2”
And then I’m taking off.
*Short for “Trebuchet Substitute Anyone?”
Tag Archives: Travel
Road Trip
I’m a hundred miles from home
And I’m all topped off on gas.
I’ve got four all-weather tires
To propel me past the pass.
I’ve got all my tunes on CD-rom
And 12 donuts ready to bite.
I’m ninety-nine miles from home now
And there’s the check engine light…
Filed under Poems
1/10 – Not A Silent Night
So I heard the angels singing
All the graces of this inn
But I’ll giveth just one star.
O! Where do I begin?
For one thing, our promised room
Was right next to a manger
And to add to ennui
And sense of mortal danger
Some virgin on a donkey
Gave birth during the night.
The manager didst told me
They’d make everything alright.
I askethed for a refund
But the innkeep said “Maybe
“Instead of giving you a refund
We’ll give gold to the baby?”
If you’re visiting Bethlehem
Know this hotel is very shit.
Also, smelled like myrrh.
-Yelp Review from “Iscariot”
Filed under Poems
Yay Vegas?
Tomorrow I’ll wake up at five in the morning
And sit in a cramped airplane seat
To fly to a place where sinning is rampant
And I’ll probably melt in the heat.
I’m very excited and honored and blessed
And I don’t want to sound like a jerk
But I feel I’ve been lied to when somebody said
“It’s great when you travel for work.”
Filed under Poems
Travelogue, Volume 2
I flew home on a plane through the air
Then I drove in a car on a road.
Now I’m sitting butt-down on a chair
And my creativity has yet to fully load.
Filed under Poems
Travel Traditions
I flew on a plane to New Orleans
And by now you know what that means:
I’m probably tired, and pleased to report
That this poem is late and also is short.
Filed under Poems
Back To Normal
I went on a trip for 5 days
And I’m grateful in so many ways
To be home once again
Where in peace I can pen
Five-line poems that fail to amaze
Filed under Poems
Holding On And Letting Go
It’s not because she loved him
That she held the stranger’s hand
As she stepped aboard the Gallant
Which would take her from the land
Where the nightly cold and hunger
And the daily war and tears
Were all she’d ever known about
For all her 16 years.
It’s not because of longing
That she watched the coastline fade
As the sounds of need grew silent
Beneath the ocean’s serenade,
And it wasn’t to remember
That she fumbled through the sack
That contained some dirty souvenirs
The few she’d time to pack.
She held and she remembered
And she watched and she was sad
To lose her lonely, painful home:
All that she ever had.
It wasn’t for nostalgia
That she spent her many nights
Remembering the land of famine
Where she had no rights
Even though she had a new home
In a land of peace and rain.
It was simply that she knew
She’d never see that home again.
She held on and remembered
Before she slept, and she was glad
To now be somewhere better
Than the only home she’d had.
The refugee became a nurse
By the time she was all grown
In the only land of promise
That she had ever known.
She helped the people coming
From the homes they left behind
Who, like her, were forever
With their homelands intertwined.
Still she held on and remembered
To now distant fear and strife
And she turned her eyes to helping
Others make a better life.
She never knew the gentleman
Who held her hand that year
With the eyes that stared uncertainly
At his passing drawing near,
But she whispered to him gently
Through the hours of the night:
When you leave a home of pain behind
You’ll go somewhere alright.
He held on and remembered
And saw and understood
And closed his eyes and sailed off
To somewhere that was good.
Filed under Poems
How To Get Six-Pack Abs In Five Days (Or Something)
When one has blogged as much as I
One comes to realize
A lot of the view’s one’s blog receives
Come not from human eyes
But from advertising robots
That search for stuff that’s trending
Like Biden, Bitcoin, Keto, Xbox,
And how the world is ending.
Make this go viral… I dare you : )
Filed under Poems
Post-Holiday Pleasures
What’s most nearly opposite
To gently falling rain,
Your lover’s gentle heartbeat,
And comfort of the brain?
The answer starts with “Someone”
And ends with “Else’s baby on a plane.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 