Looking back at 2022
I had a revelation that I’d like to share with you:
I realized that retrospectives take a while to do well
So I’ll end this poem early and say this year was pretty swell!
Tag Archives: Travesty
Music and Lyrics
I heard some kids sing “Old McDonald”
Singing “With a moo moo here and a moo moo there,
“Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo.”
Then I turned on the radio
And heard a 41-year-old sing
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.”
Children deserve more respect.
Filed under Poems
IRS? More Like IQ-0
There once was a federal agency
Who knew how much taxes you owed, you see,
But when you didn’t pay enough
‘Cause math is hard and stuff
They need a whole department to audit ye?
Filed under Poems
Get It? Cause One’s Glad And One’s… Oh, Nevermind
Some people were happy to fight
In the colosseum’s spotlight.
They were called gladiators, it’s said.
Some of them had freakin’ laser beams
And were greeted by all the young ladies’ screams;
They were called Rad-iators instead.
Filed under Poems
Hygiene Standards
I walked down the rows
Of “Bed, Bath, and Beyond“
Smelling hand soaps with names
Like “Starlight” and “Palm Frond”.
Then I left to go back
To “Bob’s Soap Retailer”
Where they sell soap called “White”
And “Hope She Lets You Impale ‘Er”.
Filed under Poems
Enthusiasm Has Its Limits
They put a DVD
In the Nintendo Wii.
They told me “Just Dance”
So I ripped off my pants
And now nobody’s playing with me…
Filed under Poems
The Ballad Of Suckbot (Chapter 1)
Suckbot the Roomba
Was a very well-loved gift
For my fiancee, who went home today
And watched that vacuum drift.
Suckbot the Roomba
Was an appliance, technically,
But my girl said “Dave, my time you’ll save
“Merry Christmas. Heeheehee!”
You should’ve seen the cat jump at
The sound when we pressed go,
But after some stalking he went walking
Back to his chair and so
Suckbot the Roomba
Has become our second pet.
You say “What’s the fuss?” But he’s a child to us
And he’s not even charged yet!
Filed under Poems
When You Think You’re Setting Yourself Up For A Challenge, But Then Everything Goes Way Too Easily
I promised myself I wouldn’t write
Another “Night before Christmas” parody.
So now I have to come up with
Hard rhymes, like “Carroty”.
Also included are “Parity”,
“Ferrety”, “charity”, “merrity”,
“Clarity”, “plurality,” “McGarrity”, “Jarret E.”
I guess those rhymes aren’t such a rarity!
Filed under Poems
Knowing When To Quit
No matter who you’re with
And no matter who you are
There will always be one person
Who goes a bit too far.
They’ll give a speech a bit too long
Or play one piece too many
And when you look for the shits they give
You find that there aren’t any.
If you know this person
I hope you wish them well.
If you are that person
Good riddance! Go to hell.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Is Probably Racist And Hates Short People
Last night I wrote a lot.
Tonight I wrote much not.
The kettle is black and so is the pot.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 