Today I ordered Sierra Mist and a fork
For lunch at a drive-through.
Thus ends my presentation:
“Why I have more fun than you.”
Tag Archives: Travesty
Ballad of a Blacklight
I was born a lightbulb,
Just a magnet for a moth,
But I decided I’d be happy
If I were a goth.
So I donned some darkness
To become a blacklight demon.
I’d work to show cops where people
Cleaned up blood and semen.
But alas the business
Of policing wasn’t booming
And I sought some other jobs
With unemployment looming.
Now I make the alleys cosmic
Down at Downtown Bowl.
I may have sold out to the man
But I’m still a gothic soul.
Filed under Poems
[Title Redacted]
There once was a poet-slash-spy
Who was quite the mysterious guy.
He’d write the last thing he’d think
In invisible ink
.
Filed under Poems
The Minority Excel
Plenty of folks can come up with jokes,
But fewer deliver them well,
Many a person can think up a product,
But few of those products can sell,
A whole host can fail at many endeavors
But few of them fail with grace,
And prisons are full of a criminal plenty
But most of them share the same race.
Filed under Poems
But It Won’t… So There
Tonight I watched a movie
That made me cry
About an awkward redhead
Who can travel through time.
He learned that living every day
As if it is your last
Is the key to perfect happiness,
Not reliving the past.
Unlike awkward redhead dude
I can’t control the ages,
Can’t redo my past mistakes
Or rewrite history’s pages.
What I can do that others can’t
Is make the time you spend
Be used to wish my poetry
Would finally freakin’ end.
Filed under Poems
Who Doesn’t Want 30 Pounds Of Escargot, After All?
You know that food you enjoy
Every once in a while,
That you can heat in a minute
And always makes you smile?
What if that niche pleasure
Came in a 500 pack for a dollar?
If you want to pay us to buy that
Just give old Costco a holler!
Filed under Poems
Water Parks
Somebody decided
To take a piece of land
And implement a strategy
A capitalist planned
Wherein they’d charge some strangers
A fee for a ticket
To try a lot of fancy ways
To get all cold and wet.
They’d make a lot of slidey things
And fountains you can climb
And lazy lilting rivers
Where you can waste your time
And pools that make big waves
Like the ocean, but controlled.
I don’t know whose idea it was
But I know that I’m sold!
This poem is dedicated to Steven,
The lifeguard at Boulder Beach
Who saved this poet’s glasses
Which had fallen past his reach.
Filed under Poems
I Did Not Plan This, But I’m Not Mad
Today I drive a long, long time
So you’ll have to settle for yesterday’s rhyme
Filed under Poems
It’s A Joke About Thyme, But Alas, It Won’t Rhyme
There once was a guy from Scarborough
Who was fair, but not very thorough.
He made food, garnished sparsely
With sage, rosemary, and parsley
But alas, he didn’t take time enough.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 