There once was a poet (that’s me)
Who’s vacationing tomorrow at sea.
I’ll be gone a week, and lack
Internet access (Alack!)
So I won’t publish for a while. Sorry!
Tag Archives: Travesty
Fine Print Matters
I signed up for a credit card
And I’m going to be rich.
See, the card has special privileges
That’s almost like a glitch:
Every time you spend with it
You get a hundred loyalty bucks
That you can trade for fancy stuff
Like jewelry or Chucks.
Update: It’s been seven months.
I have a billion bucks, and I
Am being tracked by debt collectors
And I need to cry.
It turns out that a billion bucks
Translates to about a dime
And there’s something called an “interest”
That grows a lot with time.
Update: Now my stuff is gone
And I live on the street
With somebody named “Pickle Jim”
And also “Fentanyl Pete.”
I guess the whole “free money” thing
Made me spend a bit too hard
But at least I could exchange my points
For a Visa prepaid card!
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Don’t Limit It To Just Movies
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
If It Works For Shakespeare, Why Not Rock?
We have so many electric guitars
And so many chimps in the zoo
And yet humankind
Has not had the mind
To try out combining the two…
Filed under Poems
In One Ear And Out The Same Ear
If I ever try to be president
I’ll be a republican household name
Because if the other sise doesn’t like me
They don’t know how to aim.
Filed under Poems
#PoetrySports
Today I ran a 5K race
And lost at pickleball
So my writing motivation
Is hovering around “none at all.”
Filed under Poems
Heaven Forbid!
I’m sensing some commonplace themes
That is fear of fascist regimes
Where government’s shrinking
And people start thinking
And grocery receipts don’t cause screams
Filed under Poems
Dear Weirdos
To the girl with funny yellow shoes
And the deaf guy who would sign the blues:
I hope you never have to choose
Between yourself and “normal.”
To the folks who love their face tattoos
And the ones who never drink the booze:
I hope you never, ever lose
Conviction just to be formal.
To the historians and dreamers,
The philosophers and schemers,
The poets and the memers
And the “just-plain-downright-odd”s:
I hope you never lose the spark
To make a name or leave a mark
Because few of us can parallel park
And fewer still are gods.
Filed under Poems
Precedent
The man who has never seen an oven mitt
Will call you a fool
And flip you off with burnt fingers
After grabbing a turkey from the oven bare-handed
So maybe don’t care too much
About what other people think
Filed under Poems
There Once Was A Person From Right Here…
Tonight we play D&D
And pretend to not be me
And instead be a wizard
Who’s also a lizard
And does not write bad poetry.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 