Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
There once was a televised speech
Made by a corrupt human leech.
He said lots of stuff
But not nearly enough
To justify gross overreach.
Filed under Poems
As people protest from the East to the West
Why aren’t more onlookers suspicious
Of the motives behind the folks who sell signs?
(Or is thinking such things inauspicious?)
Filed under Poems
There once was a fascist ideal
That stirred up political zeal.
It showed only news
Which supported its views
Then mandated we see its appeal.
*They have my family… help!
Filed under Poems
There once were some sheep from LA
And a tiger got in their way.
In most cases, the cat
Would go “chomp” and that’s that
But alas, that did not work today.
Filed under Poems
I was looking at the stats today
For readers of my stuff;
India, Finland, and Singapore
Apparently love my fluff!
While those three all have “IN”
Somewhere within their name
They otherwise appear to have
Very little that is the same.
So to the folks in India,
Finland, and Singapore
Please accept my gratitude
And if there is a war
Know you have unlikely allies
Bonded by your hearts
That share appreciation
For the mediocre arts.
Filed under Poems
When I was a younger child
I couldn’t help but feel
That, in my life, dalmatians
Would be a significantly bigger deal.
Filed under Poems
Today we gather to commemorate
A platform that we grew to hate,
Whose motto is “Give us a buck
“And we’ll distribute it to whoever the”
Filed under Poems
When my friends ask me
“Why are you still single?”
I tell them my hobby
Is sitting, staring at my phone, trying to think of a satisfying rhyme for single
So I can finish my poem
That I write on my blog-ingle.
Filed under Poems
It’s fun listening to kids complain:
“I don’t want to make my bed!
“I don’t want to eat dinner!
“No! I only like red!”
It’s fun to see them cry about
Their multitude of misery
Because I can imagine how great
It would feel if that were me!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 