There was a redhead from Seattle
Who beat the bad sheep in a battle.
Four teams had a chance
To ask Darnold to dance
And now they’ve all heard death’s rattle.
Two weeks from now we will play
An opponent much worse than LA.
We’ve found our new guy
So fly, Seahawks, fly!
(Unless Woolen somehow gets his way).
Filed under Poems
THE BIRDS AND THE SHEEP PLAYED A GAME
AND AT FIRST, YEAH, THE BIRDS LOOKED LAME
THEN WE WENT TO OT
AND OH GOOD GOLLY GEE
GIVE RESPECT TO OUR SEAHAWKS’ NAME!
Filed under Poems
You see the victors on parade,
Their smiles of sweet relief.
You hear their proffered words of thanks
For the ending of their grief.
But what they do not realize
Through their newfound lack of pain
Is that to stay victorious
They’ll have to win again.
They’ll have to reface challenges.
They’ll have to reforge swords,
Reconquer their old demons
And rechallenge hated hoards.
They’ll have to suffer all again
And all this not to grow
But just to stay a victor:
And maintain the status quo.
Yes we conquered those we feared
And silenced those we hate,
But should we take such lavish pride
In merely stalemate?
So watch the victors on parade
But envy them do not!
You would not wish on anyone
The pain the victors brought
Nor would you wisely wish to feel
Their pride in wielding well
The arms and armor of the war
That merged the Earth and Hell.
One day we’ll see no victory,
No men will march with pride.
We will erect no monuments
For those who bravely died.
We’ll stand without a trophy
And we’ll not conceal our grins
For all will be the victors
Come the day when no one wins.
Filed under Poems
If I played a chess game
With some super-intelligent flies
I think I’d probably win
On account of superior size.
Filed under Poems
A handsome soldier,
His mighty steed,
Heroic in both
Word and deed
Ride into glorious
Victory.
A medal awarded
There was to be.
Amongst his peers’
Great aplomb
The soldier came to
Have the medal pinned on.
Alas the officer
In command
Did not possess
A steady hand.
And so the pin
Met the soldier’s lapel
But, alas, pierced soldier’s
Flesh as well.
So for the bloodshed
In which he took part
The soldier was also given
The Purple Heart.
The soldier survived
This test of mettle,
Awarded a medal
For earning a medal.
Filed under Poems
I won! I won! I actually won!
I won the lottery!
In the next few days, a ten-dollar check
Will be mailed straight to me!
You’ve no idea how much joy
Through which my heart has went.
That ticket was the best twenty bucks
I think I’ve ever spent.
Filed under Poems
A cloud of partially frozen testosterone wafts across the ice,
A mist of legends past and present.
The fans sit, digesting grease and salt on uncomfortable seats.
The timer starts, the buzzer rings, the announcer screams,
And the teams emerge from the limbo beyond civilian comprehension.
The goalies go to their nets,
The captains to the center,
And they sing the anthems of allied nations,
Friends amidst the competition.
Then the rink explodes!
A flurry of sticks, pucks, and teeth without homes.
Lights flash, buzzers ring, plastic shatters and jerseys tear.
This repeats three times,
And the losers exit loudly.
But the winners stay.
They stay, and whether it’s their first or last time
They experience that fleeting joy
That lasts forever.
The joy of victory.
The joy of hockey.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 