The dinosaurs roamed the earth
Until God said “Here’s Wifi”
And then they stopped jumping cactuses
And proceeded to die.
Category Archives: Poems
But Hey, Four Rhymes!
As the sun sets in the evening
And the frogs croak merrily
I sit upon a bed and write
A poem, verily.
When read aloud it would be best
To speak most airily
For the effort I put in could be
Described as “barely”.
Filed under Poems
My First Sponsor!
Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:
PIDD!
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MMA (Male Maidens Association)
UPS (Un-Penissing Service)
UN (United Nations)
And many more!
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So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.
See Also: “See”, “Sea”, “C”, “Si”…
If I could have dinner with anyone
From any point in history
I would choose the guy who decided
How to spell the animal “Bee”.
Filed under Poems
How About A Good Humbling?
I sorta hope the next disease
That brings the whole world to its knees
Can break the part of DNA’s lock
That makes “important” people talk.
Filed under Poems
Is Giving Them The Finger Still Rude If They’re Missing One?
A bunch of years ago we said
“Hey King, screw your royal head”
And dumped a hunch of tea into
A bay to say “Bugger off to you.”
Now I think that united spirit
Should say to those who care to hear it
“You’re free to use 2:00 AM fireworks
“But if you do you’re also jerks.”
Filed under Poems
One Peaceful Day In The Country
Tonight we celebrate the fact
That those who bought the fireworks
Are saving them for tomorrow’s main act
And thus are not going “boom“ like jerks.
Filed under Poems
U.S.A
If you use words like “Erudite”,
“Perspicacious”, or “Inscrutable”
In Connecticut you’re charming
But in Florida you’re shootable.
Filed under Poems
Megachurches Be Like…
Here is the church,
There is the steeple.
Open the doors
And see all the people
Saying “Look at that steeple!
“What a dope church!
“Now let’s get some coffee
“And buy Jesus merch!”
Filed under Poems
Maybe Poverty Is Good?
A week ago five billionaires
Paid half a million each
To sink into the ocean
To within Titanic‘s reach.
Today, a billionaire put up
For sale a chance to fly
Into space, which makes my face
Nonverbally scream “Why?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 