The bird flu killed my chicken.
It killed my brother’s duck.
I heard a peacock died as well
With just a sickly cluck.
The price of eggs is rising
But what worries me even more
Is how when all the planes die
Plane ticket costs will soar.
Category Archives: Poems
How Kids Tell Stories
‘Twas a Wednesday like any other
Except the part where mother
Put our pet fish in a tank
And then the army came
To get their tank back
And also the part with the lizards…
My favorite color is orange.
Privacy Would Be Preferred Tonight
There once was a Valentine’s Day
When I wasn’t alone (it’s today)
But I lacked the foresight
To post a poem before tonight
So here you go. Now go away!
Filed under Poems
Propaganda and Truth
An all-knowing fellow told the whole story,
Every secret, every detail,
But there was no crowd, no backers or profit
So truth was revealed but to no avail.
When spoken too slowly its skipped;
If spoken too quickly its not understood;
If frankly presented, forgotten;
If theatrically, laughed at, no good.
A fellow can tell the whole story
But regardless the truth will stay true.
And sometimes to listen and be open-minded
Is the best you can possibly do.
Filed under Poems
Game: A – Commercials D+
Once again the footballs clashed
Between two well-paid teams
Who di athletic contest stuff
To countless fans’ screams
While corporations tried their best
To make us watch their ad
And all the Philedelphians
Are feeling pretty mad.
The winners were the chiefs, of course,
And also Jesus and beer.
Here’s to the beat Super Bowl ever
Until it happens again next year!
Filed under Poems
Attack of the Alabaster Basil from the planet Flaccidpookum (Or Why Originality Is Not As Important As You Think)
It was a normal day in the white house,
Or so President Smellingsalt thought…
Until the sky opened and blood rained down
Like the street corner prophets were taught
And a sprig of an herb, aromatic and pale
Smote the Earth and declared “I’m your master!”
And the humans proclaimed, “Oh no! What the heck!
“It’s basil that’s somehow Alabaster!”
And the basil proclaimed from celestial height
“Yes, people of Earth. Your statement is right!”
But what happened next to the humans did shook ‘em…
The basil declared “I am from Flaccidpookum!”
After that day life was largely the same
Except people drank a lot more hoppy beers.
The saddest part is this poem’s more original
Than anything Hollywood’s made for the past dozen years.
Filed under Poems
Love Song, Circa 5th Grade
Love is like anything;
It makes you feel stuff
And when you experience it
You might just go “whuff.”
It’s sort of like “Whoa now”
And also like “Whee”
And that is what true love
Feels like to me.
Filed under Poems
JK Rowling Be Like…
If “I want women to be safe from men”
Is good to believe, please answer this then:
Why’s “I want women to be safe from men wearing dresses”
Causing so many social media messes?
Filed under Poems
When She Bakes You Brownies On A First Date
Your eyes are as pink as the ocean.
Your hair is like marshmallow fluff.
I don’t know if our love is true yet
But I know that your drugs are real.
Filed under Poems
State of the Union Reaction
I think everything should be free
‘Cause I saw a speech on TV.
I’m glad that the rich
Agree they’re our bitch
And they’ll buy my whole wishlist for me!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 