Anyone who says taxes
Are not part of nature’s desire
Has never put a pair of socks
Into any sort of a dryer.
Category Archives: Poems
Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…
Sometimes I look in the mirror
And see myself staring at me,
And when I clean the glass it gets clearer
And I know it’s my face that I see
And I look at myself and think “Wow!
“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”
And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive
And thus space out when you start talking.
Filed under Poems
Enough Of Pthis Greek Shipt
There once was a guy named Ptolemy
Who was ptaller than just about any ptree.
And wouldn’pt you know it
I don’pt have a punchline
But I pthink you get the tpoint.
Filed under Poems
Erudition and Emission
When children attempt to be smart
They turn first to reading and art.
Then they learn “flatulence“
Rhymes with nothing but “spatulence”
And thus they resume saying fart.
Filed under Poems
Imagery…
He said “Hey there baby.
“Want to date a carpenter?”
She said “I would rather
“French kiss a pencil sharpener.”
Filed under Poems
This Is A Lazy Poem Unless You Work At A Stuffed Animal Factory
Today I was busy
And did lots of stuff
So I went back home
And pumped out this fluff.
Filed under Poems
Sophie’s Choice
Sophie was an average girl
With fairly average likes;
Fond of wine and dogs and soap
And mental health and hikes.
One day she was kidnapped
By a disembodied voice
Who told her she would surely die
Unless she made the choice:
Would she rather kiss someone
Who smelled liked a catcher’s mitt
That had been soaked in sour milk
And armadillo spit
While treading water in a pool
Of acid, hot as Hades
And listening to Kenny G
Play highlights of the eighties
While the Devil lit a match
And burned off all her hair…
Or, when asked where she’d like to eat
To not say “I don’t care.”
Filed under Poems
Your Daily Self-Esteem Boost
You haven’t hit much;
Your life is all misses
But you can still write a poem
That’s better than this is.
Filed under Poems
Also Starring: Ikea Furniture, Bad Decisions, Musclebound Shirtless Guys Who Talk About Feelings… Waaaaiiiiiit…
If they rebooted “Fight Club“
With an all-female cast
It would feature Taylor Durden
Remembering her past
When she and thousands of women
From different means and ends
Got together in a basement
And pretended to be friends
Until at last they’d had enough
And used some dynamite
To blow up buildings, and then were like
“Becky’s so cringe, right?”
Filed under Poems
Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU
What if all the billionaires
Just stood out on the street
And walked around in circles
And challenged everyone they’d meet
To have a Pokemon battle
That they would surely lose
And give the winner money?
But alas, they’re only jews.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 