Sometimes when it’s peaceful
In the evening by the stream
I like to lie beside the bank
And oh-so-gently dream
That as the humans hunt the deer
The deer hunt us the same,
But humans never notice this
‘Cause deer have lousy aim.
Category Archives: Poems
At Least I Commit To Finishing Acrostics Though
I is for the intimacy we have yet to share
M is for the the many ways I show you I care
N is for how no one can compare
E is for “except that girl who has the pretty hair.”
V is for how very sorry I will claim to be
E is for that exceptional hair I never will unsee…
R is for I’m really sorry this time. Forgive me?
G is for the gift I’ll buy to say that I’m sorry
E is for how every day you give me another chance.
T is for the tightness you inspire in my pants
T is for your temperance, which totally rhymes with “dance”
I is for how I hope to rekindle our romance
N is for how nuts it is I ogle other girls
G is for “good thing I’m not into hair with sexy curls.”
L is for how light catches her hair as it unfurls…
A is for “Alright, alright! I’ll buy you some new pearls.”
I is for I really wish I were a better dude
D is for “Doggone it, if you weren’t such a prude…”
A is for apologizing for how I am lewd
G is for the golden curls falling upon the nude…
A is for “At least I didn’t finish the previous line.”
I is for the infinite ways you, my dear, are fine.
N is the never being bad again if you’ll remain as mine.
! is the punctuation after you vehemently decline.
Filed under Poems
Ode To J
What if there were a letter
That was pronounced like a Y,
But sometimes like DSH or an H
But it looked like a lowercase i?
The letter G would sounds like it
And it would be a name and a bird
And it would be madly exciting
But only if you are a nerd…
Filed under Poems
And I, For One, Think It’s Great*
There once was a fascist ideal
That stirred up political zeal.
It showed only news
Which supported its views
Then mandated we see its appeal.
*They have my family… help!
Filed under Poems
How To Make My Crush Fall Madly In Love With You
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Chocolate’s half price now
And I wonder… are you?
Filed under Poems
It Began As A Sleepy Soliloquy… It Ended As A Halftime Show
It’s past the time I need to go
To sleep, but here am I
Writing rhymes that rhyme sometimes
As many times I try
And why I try, I cannot lie,
Is just to try my luck
‘Cause I have no skill, but possibly still
I’ll be famous if I say white people suck.
Filed under Poems
A Romantic Holiday Indeed
Today’s a day we celebrate
The people with whom we mate
Buy buying chocolates that are nice
Because they cost double the price.
Then we go to crowded rooms
Filled with too many perfumes
And tip the waitresses a lot
‘Cause we know they’re single and also hot
And then we go back to our homes
And read our lovely ladies poems,
We do this, or else we fear
That we won’t get laid again this year.
Filed under Poems
Super Bowl LVI
There once were some sheep from LA
And a tiger got in their way.
In most cases, the cat
Would go “chomp” and that’s that
But alas, that did not work today.
Filed under Poems
The New Allied Forces?
I was looking at the stats today
For readers of my stuff;
India, Finland, and Singapore
Apparently love my fluff!
While those three all have “IN”
Somewhere within their name
They otherwise appear to have
Very little that is the same.
So to the folks in India,
Finland, and Singapore
Please accept my gratitude
And if there is a war
Know you have unlikely allies
Bonded by your hearts
That share appreciation
For the mediocre arts.
Filed under Poems
Ever Have That Dream That Happens Over and Over? Yeah…
So today my poem
Is autobiographical,
But that doesn’t mean it’s boring
Nor that it is bull…
I got up at 6:00 AM
And worked for 9 long hours,
After which I got undressed
For three back-to-back showers.
During shower number three
My brain turned on a sec
And instead of thinking, “Ooh, warm water”
It thought “Oh shoot! Oh heck!
“I was supposed to take a test
“That’s due at 5:00 PM!”
It thus proceeded to haw
And also, a bit, to hem.
Well, I expect to get a C
In the class who test I missed,
But instead of being angry, angsty,
Nervous, sad, or pissed
I decided to look on
The sunny side of life:
I know my dreams can come true now!
Now who’s that with my wife…?
Filed under Poems
