When a Catholic priest goes bad
And wants a little boy
He calls the kid by asking
“You want to have a toy?”
When a Rabbi gets the urge
To get a boy that way
He says, “You want to have a toy?
“If so, you gotta pay!”
Category Archives: Poems
Adventures With Lucy
Lucy says “Heyy”
As she walks in the door
With a light in her eyes
And her eyes on the floor.
She’s looking for victims
That she can make smile
For she’s also not had
Such a grin for a while.
Lucy’s confused;
She’s alone in the crowd,
Her world always quiet,
Her mind always loud.
She hasn’t found love
In a box on a shelf
But she’s never been told
To bring joy to herself,
And so she goes hunting
A surrogate soul
And she uses her vigor
To make her prey whole,
To make someone laugh
And to make a face gleam
Like the paint on her visage
She hopes makes her seem.
Some think her a clown;
Some think her a doll.
What she fears is being
Not thought of at all,
To be seen as convenient,
Someone’s future “his.”
She fears being seen as
What she fears she is.
She’s found her next target!
She gives them her charm
With a flower in her hair
And the game on her arm,
One of the next many
Whose lives she will brighten,
Whose fears she’ll erase
And whose burdens she’ll lighten.
Someday she’ll look up
And she’ll see the sun set
And her mind will be calm
And her needs will be met;
She’ll live as she dreams
When she comes to someday.
Until then she’ll walk in
And tell someone, “Heyy.”
Filed under Poems
Happy Prime Day (Or My Sense Of Humor When I Stay Up Too Late)
In 36 minutes
The world goes on sale
And you can buy with a click
A big TV
Or game machine
Or even a bigger… machine.
You can spend
With a plastic card
From a company that travels to Venus
But you’ll still seek
A solution to
Your very tiny… bank account.
I didn’t mean
For this poem to be
This amount of long,
But then I thought
Of way too many
Things that rhyme with… ya know?
And so I end
With a big salute
To anyone named Morgan
And wish you
Happy Prime Day
And a poetic male organ.
Filed under Poems
Democracy… Please?
I think a million-dollar income
Is an inalienable right
For everyone within an inch
Of six-foot-O in height,
And that all of those people
Should be worshipped as Gods
And based on modern politics
Such a change has decent odds…
Sometimes A Break Is Good… (He Wildly Justified To Himself)
Yesterday, no poem
Was published upon this site;
No letters marked with blackness
Formed a word against the white.
I wrote no form of humor
That is funny ’cause it’s dumb…
On the one hand, sorry.
On the other, you’re welcome!
Filed under Poems
Boy Bands
If you play songs
In a rock and roll band
That includes no member
With a mammary gland,
Everyone has Y chromosomes
And speaks in few words
Then you might be a band
But you’re sure not The Birds…
Filed under Poems
Worse Than The Freshman 15…
I gained a couple of pounds
Since the last time I was seen.
I’m noticeably wider
Since the start of quarantine.
I’ve got handles for lovin’
But no contact with my queen.
Life has stalled, I’m going bald
And I gained Covid 19.
Everything’s Bigger In Texas
I like me some ice cream and beer
And sometimes go hunting for deer.
I don’t eat no plants though
Which means that my pants know
The pure incarnation of fear.
Filed under Poems
Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music
All is well while you’re singing
Until your realize
Mary will eventually have a big sheep
Unless one of them dies…
And yet we have been singing this
Since time itself was made.
Do the Mary’s keep swapping
Or was a sweater made?
Filed under Poems
How to Choose a Fitness Club
If they’re doing yoga,
Zumba, jazzercise or such
You’re likely in the Estrogym
And have a woman’s touch.
If they’re watching football games
And opening a beer
You’re gym is the Testosterzone,
The palace of good cheer.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 