There was a bomb on main street
Set to blow at 5:08
I pulled up at 5:14
Because the traffic made me late.
I had only seconds left
Before the bomb blew me away
An hour later ’twas defused
And I, the hero, saved the day!
Category Archives: Poems
Anyway
I haven’t been touched like that for a while,
Long enough to forget the taste of a smile,
‘Cause who needs love when you’re in denial anyway?
I couldn’t tell you about my best friend,
Haven’t written letters that I want to send.
What good are people when the world is ending anyway?
Even though I know I lived through the past
I can’t remember when I forgot time last.
Why can’t the years alone go by so fast anyway?
I haven’t been touched like that for a while,
Was living in a life marching single file
‘Cause who needs love when you’re in denial anyway?
Thanks for listening even when it’s tough.
A lot of people need to say this kind of stuff.
Now I feel and I hope that I’ve said enough.
Anyway…
Perhaps?
“Maybe Baby” is an overused rhyme,
So said my love, May Bee.
But I said, “Maybe, May Bee, my baby,
“But be that as it may,
“Maybe let ‘Maybe Baby’ be as it may be.”
Filed under Poems
Math Is Hot
Circular houses are warmer
Than square houses, I’ve found;
Square houses are ninety degrees in the corners
But circles are 360 all around!
Filed under Poems
Why Poetry Is Art
If, in normal conversations,
It were assumed that one should rhyme
We’d have a better grasp of grammar
And awkward silence a lot of the time.
Filed under Poems
Thus Endeth The Renaissance
Her hobbies are dressing provocatively
Then adding a dog’s nose and ears,
Posting pictures of asses to inspire the masses
That love’s always stronger than fears.
My hobbies are murdering aliens
And playing professional ball,
Though I sometimes relax by swinging an ax
And sometimes by catching ’em all.
Filed under Poems
OI?
Someone told me
R*pe jokes aren’t funny.
I said, “You’re right, they’re knot.”
The time wasn’t ripe
To leave anyone hanging,
So I used a different * than they thought.
Filed under Poems
Six Feet Apart
I saw you in your sweatpants
And your Hello Kitty mask.
Yours was the sort of presence
In which a man might bask,
But basking’s off the table
Even though it breaks my heart.
I’ll just have to admire you
From at least six feet apart!
Yeah you were hauling groceries
Into your healthy home
From which, save for essentials,
You could not, for some time, roam.
You made my dreams come true just by
Returning from the mart.
With this telescope it doesn’t seem
Like we’re six feet apart!
And when you spend your days inside
Just watching your TV
No one in your house wears pants
Which means there’s room for me.
I send you morse-code love notes
And order food for you a la carte,
Just my way of making contact
When we’re stuck six feet apart!
Now you might think I’m creepy,
That I’ve gone a bit too far
By buying you a drink
After the feds shut down the bar,
But no one will arrest me
Just for causing you a start
‘Cause they’re emptying the prisons
To keep the crooks six feet apart!
So smile on your Zoom call
And when you’re making crepes,
And smile most of all
When Amazon brings your new drapes.
I made you covet COVID
‘Cause it gave you the head start
That you needed to ensure that we
Remain six feet apart!
Filed under Poems
There’s Still Time To Write-In Chuck Norris…
One world leader said
“Grab ’em by the pussy,”
But got elected anyway.
One would-be leader
Said “Don’t grab ’em by the pussy”
Before he did, so I guess he’s okay?
Filed under Poems
Yours Truly, Saedifotuo
There’s a meme you may have seen
That posits the following claim:
If you spell your name backwards
It is your “Demon Name.”
Now Bob and Racecar doubt themselves
(Though Racecar already did)
And you won’t see Regina anywhere
‘Cause she already hid.
Meanwhile, poor Natasha
Has mysteriously been ignored…
Thanks for reading this poem
And I hope you’re no longer bored!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 