The sky has fallen
The sea has boiled
The Earth has shaken
The contingency’s foiled
The zombies prowl
But I’m okay:
Whipped cream goes “psshhhh”
And they can’t take that away
Category Archives: Poems
Wait… Did The French Just Surrender To Tourists?
So the Louvre closed its doors today
Which is how Mona Lisa would say
“Je ne t’aime pas
“Alors au revoir.”
(And yes, those do rhyme by the way)
Filed under Poems
Piano Tuning Saves Lives
If you sit at a piano
And you plink out A-C-E
Then you played an A Minor chord
So very easily.
But if you sit at a piano
That is really out of tune
Then you might screw up A Minor
And the cops will show up soon.
Filed under Poems
Challenge Accepted
And so I lounged on a borrowed couch
Devoid of inspiration
And instead of making the difficult choice
To use my imagination
I went onto my phone to search
The internet for an answer
And I recalled why random prompts
Are worse, perhaps, than cancer.
But undeterred, despite misgivings
I shall now attempt
To write what poetrypromptgenerator.com
Gave me without contempt:
There once was a sanctimonious hand-wringer
Whose neurotic pedantry gave a metaphorical finger
To those who deign to carouse
With those of osseous brows.
Some compare me to him as a visual dead ringer.
Filed under Poems
No Kings? No Thanks
There once was a man in a political seat
Whose rhetoric inspired much political heat.
Because of this protestors did amass across the nation
In a movement called “NoKings” which is a hot recent sensation.
Alas, the hockey players in Los Angeles are sad
And the Sacremento basketballers also feel mad.
I for one support our Californian athlete friends
And wish the players happiness until this protest ends.
Filed under Poems
Ted Talks Nowadays
Maybe if we hugged
Pterodactyls every day
We would have world peace
—————————————
Cheese comes from a can
Also from mammal udders
Therefore cows are steel
—————————————-
Climate change is bad.
So is hitting little kids.
#ChangedMyLife
Filed under Poems
Yes, I Owned A Walkman. Why Do You Ask?
Let me walk you through a moment
Of what I call “being me.”
Instead of streaming music
And paying a monthly fee
I plugged in my computer
From around 2008,
Pressed power on at 6:15
And it booted up by 8:00,
Loaded up my iTunes
From before it was an app
Then uploaded some files
That will make my right foot tap,
Plugged in my phone and synced it
For an hour and a half
Then enjoyed my music free of charge
With a joyful millennial laugh.
Filed under Poems
An American Epiphany
I’m 0.02 football fields tall
And I weigh 153 basketballs.
My waist circumference is the cube root of 120 teaspoons
And maybe the metric system isn’t bad after all.
Filed under Poems
Give It To That One Friend Who Thinks Their Job Is Important
I want to read a novel
Where the fabled chosen one
Goes on a quest to do something
Like kill the god of the sun
And when we reach the ending
There’s a fabled chosen two
And there’s no sun god after all
And they don’t know what to do.
Filed under Poems
Dad Jokes Just Got Nerdier
Knock knock. Who’s there? Joe.
Joe who? Joe Mom! LOL!
My poor future kids…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 