There once was a dame with no name
Who spent days playing a lame game.
Her tame claim to fame came
When her aim to blame the same game
Overcame her shame of being no-name.
Category Archives: Poems
Also, Unpaid Overtime!
Getting a promotion
Is a matter of pretending
That you listen to that guy
At weekly meetings never-ending.
Your reward for your attention
Is a minor bump in pay
And the new and useful privilege
Of having meetings every day.
Filed under Poems
Guess Which One Every ****ing Driver Picked Today, Apparently?
I am driving down the street
In two-thousand pounds of speeding death.
I can watch the road ahead
Or answer a text from my buddy, Seth.
Filed under Poems
On The Devaluation Of Currency And Its Indirect Consequences To Tourism And Related Industries (Or: Time To Invest In Fountains, As The Price Of Wishes Just Went Up 400%)
I sing of a coin called a penny
Whose value was just less than “any”.
It was cash, free and legal, and yet it
Was not worth the effort to get it.
If it’s true what the president hinted
No longer will such coins be minted
And I for one ponder this pickle:
Will folks still pay for a souvenir nickel?
Filed under Poems
What To Do After You’re Elected To Public Office
If at first you don’t succeed
Succumb to existential greed
And steal from folks for their own good
And then claim you’re misunderstood.
Filed under Poems
Songwriting Tip #5678
If your chorus is just one sentence
Repeated exactly four times
That song isn’t actually music
And one day you’ll pay for your crimes.
Filed under Poems
Mini Golf, Level 100
Eighteen times we swung our putters.
Eighteen times a whole in one.
Some people started at the green
But starting at the hole is way more fun.
Filed under Poems
Remember This In The Pandemic Of 2119
If instead of wearing masks
And going to school and work online
We had just put on some badass capes
The kids would all be fine.
Filed under Poems
Free Speech And Its Consequences (Blue State Edition)
Fire truck is red and bright,
Its sirens wailing in the night,
Filled with heroes of to save
A sassy lass or naive nave.
Fire truck goes very fast
And makes a whoosh as it goes past.
The fire sought by me was started
Because the neighbors said “retarded.”
Filed under Poems
My Conversation Tomorrow After I Get To Work With Two Hours Of Sleep
D and D went long.
We were fighting evil frogs!
What do you mean, “Nerd”?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 