The squeaky wheel gets the grease:
If we know this is real
Then I can logically conclude
My hair is a squeaky wheel.
Category Archives: Poems
If By Some Zany Coincidence It Happens To Be Your Birthday Today…
What a day!
May 25!
Let’s celebrate that
You’re still alive!
Some years were good,
Some years were tough,
But we celebrate them all
By buying you stuff!
The folks you know
Will email and call
And write well wishes
On your Facebook wall.
And then at the end
You’ll be delighted to see
This snazzy poem
To you from me.
Filed under Poems
Life
Life is an event
That happens to us all.
Some lives end in greatness
While others are extras
In a George Lucas story.
As for me…
I’m a rebel poet,
The greatest George Lucas extra
Who ever got too tired to rhyme.
You only get one life to take for granted;
Don’t waste the opportunity.
Filed under Poems
Not My Genre
He knows that she knows
That I know that he knows
That I think I know
That she thinks he knows me.
If you didn’t quite get that
Then know that I think
That you and I know
To avoid mysteries.
Filed under Poems
The Subtle Hintings of a Partially-Loved Poet
This blog of ours has followers
That number 699.
If we can get to 700
That would be so mighty fine
‘Cause if we reach 700
Then a thousand’s pretty close
And that’s a number to be proud of
Whether it is net or gross.
And when we hit a thousand
Followers of this page
Then why not get a thousand more
And make these poems all the rage
And all the poetic hipsters
Can say “I followed it first!”
And by then we’ll have ten thousand
And I’ll be proud enough to burst.
Given time we’ll pass the thousands
And we will be one million strong
And you, follower 700
Will have been there all along.
And if you aren’t convinced yet
By this hypothetical boast
At 700 my parents will love me
And that’s what means the most.
Filed under Poems
Wealth… Of Experience
I am a man of many skills.
I write music and poetry,
I play more than five instruments
And I’m good at climbing trees.
I can recite from memory
Every episode of M.A.S.H.
One of these days I’ll learn a skill
Conducive to earning cash.
Filed under Poems
That Second Line’s Syllable Dilemna Though…
It’s 8:53.
I’m too tired to write good poems.
Damn, I’m getting old.
Filed under Poems
Then After a Twist Of Fate No One Could See Coming…
If your story’s just beginning
But your ideas have run out
There’s no need for disappointment
So you can quit your silly pout.
All the greatest stories
Lose their steam before the end
And that’s why we continue
The “something lucky happened” trend.
It’s why stormtroopers can’t hit a barn
And main characters don’t get shivved.
Executions are delayed for a monologue
And Harry’s the boy who lived.
It’s why Ringwraith’s can sense the ring
From half a world away
But not when hobbits hold it
With a tree stump in the way.
Heroes outrun explosions
While the villain merely dies.
The white hats still draw faster
Despite the sunlight in their eyes.
So if you want a writing tip
I’ll give you one to keep:
As long as sh*t works out in the end
The fans will lose no sleep.
Filed under Poems
Please Don’t Do That Unto Me… I Have Delicate Skin
If a friend is practicing
Any form of self abuse
You must act quickly!
Don’t be a fool.
Remind them that you love them
Then take away their knife or noose,
And be sure to not remind them
About the Golden Rule.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 