Badass is a state of mind.
Take a photographer
Who takes pictures of weddings
For Mrs. And Mr.
He’s not traditionally cool,
But in his head
He’s a ninja in disguise
Taking photos of the wed.
Or take the guy at the Chevron
Who pumps your tank of gas.
He knows if you get mouthy
He’ll “swipe anywhere” on your ass.
Take a look around you
At the wallpaper, lights, and your shoes.
These could all be badasses
If they had the desire to choose.
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Great adventures await
Those with powers great.
I’m great too,
But woop-de-doo,
I’d rather sleep in late.
Filed under Poems
We were robbing a grocer.
I said “buy me some time.”
He went to the spices,
Then the express checkout line.
We landed in prison.
Our plans came unfurled.
Now all we’ve got left
Is all the thyme in the world.
Filed under Poems
My brother-in-law
Thinks poultry are sultry.
My other bro’s honey’s a bee.
I’m the traditional guy in the family:
Nothing but cousins for me!
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If an idiot, moron, or joke
Or another dim-witted bloke
Puts their foot into their maw
And make a sage of themselves,
They become elves
With arrows and wizards. Oh ya!
Winding mountain pass.
A deep voice talks about specs.
Gotta buy that Porsche.
There’s a friendly man
Succeeding at basic tasks.
Nope, just kidding. Lol!
That weird moment when
You’re watching some late night crap
And think “I need that.”
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Have you ever had the pressure
Of pleasing lots of people
With a rather stupid poem
That took nine seconds to write?
If you have, you’re awesome.
If you haven’t, you are too.
This took me fifteen minutes,
And with that, to all, good night!
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I read yesterday
That to find love you must
Do what you like doing
And in destiny trust.
I read that by living
As you naturally would
Love will find you
(Or at least it should).
So I lie in my boxers,
Asleep on my couch,
With a paused Halo 4
Shining light on my slouch.
I dream lovely dreams
Of her warmth on my skin,
And I wait for the day
Some cute burglar breaks in.
Filed under Poems
He was a timid sort of man
Who did things halfway
As was evidenced by
One very bad day.
He was on the sidewalk
In his new suit and tie
When a puddle was flung
By a car passing by.
Well, the timid man’s temper
Got hotter and hotter.
He had murder in mind,
But settled for manslaughter.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 