There once was a warrior from Lo
Who’d a habit of stubbing his toe.
He could not help but feel
‘Twas his Achilles heel…
But nope! He died by arrow.
Category Archives: Poems
Ballad Of The First Dude In The Epic War Sequence Who Gets Shot And Falls From A High Place Just Before The Soundtrack Starts
Filed under Poems
A Winter’s Tune
When your heart calls to its pair
Through the rime of Winter’s air
Be sure it’s cry is strong and true
So its twin may sing to you.
But should your heart’s dear, after pause,
Sing “I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause”
You may be wise to weave and sway
Then run like Hell the other way.
Filed under Poems
Situational Awareness
If you ever see an orphan
In Gotham after dark
You should take off your spandex
And find somewhere else to park.
Filed under Poems
Career Limitations
There was a race car driver from Leyte
Who suffered a terrible plight:
He was the world’s best
But for one crucial test:
He only knew how to turn right.
Filed under Poems
Not Sweating The Small Stuff
I’m going to bed in an hour
And my phone is at 9% battery
But the Seahawks haven’t been bad tonight
So other stuff doesn’t mattery.
Filed under Poems
When Gen Z Starts A Gang War
I think it’s just a matter of time
Before injured people try
To eat all the food in their inventory
Expecting not to die.
It’s sort of like the Tide Pod challenge
Mixed with “Supersize Me”
And when it becomes a TikTok trend
I hope you don’t despise me.
Filed under Poems
The Best Days Of My Life
When I was a kid in school
I was never very cool.
I was skinny like an elf
And ate my lunches by myself.
I though cool sticks were precious pearls;
I paid no mind to all the girls.
Looking back, I need to say
Why can’t I have all that today?
Filed under Poems
“Housing Prices Are Becoming More Affordable” He Said Between Bites Of $50 Celery
In October I didn’t write any posts
And apparently all of my readers were ghosts.
This month I wrote things, and here’s how it went:
My views went up 234 percent!
See, when you take big things and make them real small
It doesn’t take very much effort at all
To make a small number look very excitin’
And that’s economics presented by Biden.
Filed under Poems
Carol Of The Belch
Hark! Hear the belch, deep throaty belch
That seems to say, “Guys, I’m ok!”
Family is here, bringing cheap beer
To young and old (or so I’m told).
Ding-dong-ding-dong: The doorbell’s song.
Another aunt? I really can’t…
One wants to say “Please go away”
They’re everywhere, breathing our air.
Family is bound to be around
And to pick fights o’er petty spites.
Merry happy jolly (insert day here)
Maybe gimme some of that cheap lite beer…
Filed under Poems
Guest Poem From My Father And Mother In Law (It’s A Long Story)
I played in a band today
In a red jacket to everyone’s dismay.
The jacket was so sparkly bright
We really did play alright.
I just did two more lines
And now I’m going to do my wife’s behinds.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 