If I could have dinner with anyone
From any point in history
I would choose the guy who decided
How to spell the animal “Bee”.
Category Archives: Poems
How About A Good Humbling?
I sorta hope the next disease
That brings the whole world to its knees
Can break the part of DNA’s lock
That makes “important” people talk.
Filed under Poems
Is Giving Them The Finger Still Rude If They’re Missing One?
A bunch of years ago we said
“Hey King, screw your royal head”
And dumped a hunch of tea into
A bay to say “Bugger off to you.”
Now I think that united spirit
Should say to those who care to hear it
“You’re free to use 2:00 AM fireworks
“But if you do you’re also jerks.”
Filed under Poems
One Peaceful Day In The Country
Tonight we celebrate the fact
That those who bought the fireworks
Are saving them for tomorrow’s main act
And thus are not going “boom“ like jerks.
Filed under Poems
U.S.A
If you use words like “Erudite”,
“Perspicacious”, or “Inscrutable”
In Connecticut you’re charming
But in Florida you’re shootable.
Filed under Poems
Megachurches Be Like…
Here is the church,
There is the steeple.
Open the doors
And see all the people
Saying “Look at that steeple!
“What a dope church!
“Now let’s get some coffee
“And buy Jesus merch!”
Filed under Poems
Maybe Poverty Is Good?
A week ago five billionaires
Paid half a million each
To sink into the ocean
To within Titanic‘s reach.
Today, a billionaire put up
For sale a chance to fly
Into space, which makes my face
Nonverbally scream “Why?”
Filed under Poems
Peace Talks
Bumblebee, bumblebee, why do you fly
When life would be better
If you would just die?
Human, human, why do you hate
When you eat the plants
That we bees pollenate?
Bumblebee, bumblebee, sure you’re ok
In a creepy bumbley
Bug sort of way.
Human, human, we’re both Earth’s daughter
Wait, why do your hands
Hold aloft that fly swatter?
Filed under Poems
JJ Abrams Does Shakespeare
Whereupon the stymied patisserie
So quotidien in its avarice
Did lament the paternal accessorie
Whom were betwixt its effervescence
So flattering were its satellites
In the corona of solarium
That I could end this poem
Without rhyming.
Filed under Poems
If This Hawaiian Poem Makes You Laugh A Little, Is It A Low Ha?
There once was cowie from Maui
Who visited Kauai. How he
Got there we don’t know
But he was impressed, so
He exclaimed to all “Wowie zowie!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 