House all to myself.
There’s a lot of stuff to do
Like nap on the couch.
The Blood God Congenially Requests Your Creativity
So I was just a year past ageless
And I wanted lamb for dinner
So I demanded a sacrifice
From some now-nameless sinner.
Now every year since the dawn of man
They sacrifice more sheep.
Can’t you sacrifice a salad once?
Or maybe a marshmallow peep?
Filed under Poems
Bypassing Internet Censorship, Two Clubs Interconnected By A Chain At A Time
Who decided that “Nunchaku”
Should be pronounced like “Numb Chucks?”
I assume it’s some translator,
But they’re almost certainly dunfaku.
Filed under Poems
Worth A Shot?
You say that pushing people
Into volcanos isn’t fair.
I say “the Mayans didn’t have a $38 trillion national debt”
And then, with a sniff, say “so there”.
Filed under Poems
Ja?
To my homeys in Mexico:
Without context, how do you know
If it’s Santa’s bellow
Or a rapper’s Hello
When you read the words “Jo jo jo”?
Filed under Poems
Saves Us Several Weeks Of Suffering In January, I Guess
The Rams faced off with the Seahawks
Who forgot how to lace up their Reeboks.
The hawks made four kicks
Betwtixt their four picks
And now they’re not Super Bowl 60 locks.
Filed under Poems
Gift Cards
Happy Birthday dude!
Here’s cash you can only spend
Somewhere you don’t go.
Filed under Poems
Mon Dieu!
The English marched on Agincourt
With hoards of longbowmen
To fight the army of the French.
They were terribly surprised when
They loosed a thousand arrows
And those chic Parisian dorks
Brought out the champagne bottles
And fired back with corks.
Filed under Poems
A Real Man’s Christmas Wishlist
Triumph over evil
Victory in battle
A wife and seven children
Some land to herd my cattle
A fancy leather cowboy hat
A closet full of guns
A quiet place to rest my head
And lots of silly puns.
Filed under Poems
If You’re Not Reading This, I’m No Longer Stuck On A Random Wednesday
Horror movies are just Groundhog Day
But it’s Halloween instead.
Now with that insight passed on
I’m going to go to bed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 